But I shouldn't be wishing for more kidnappings. Even if it means a higher chance of rescue.
My guilt is already too much to bear.
This is all my fault. I've dragged all these poor people into this awful situation. If I hadn't crash-landed here, then these people would be safe from Clija and his fucked-up tests.
"These new pets of mine are about to make me a load of credits! Any pets I sell will be sold sterile; I won't have another competitor trying to produce these modified humans without my cut of the profits."
Gods, I'm so sorry. For everything. For nothing. I don't know, I just feel horrible. I feel responsible. I feel like this is all my fault.
Then again, if I hadn’t crash-landed here, I never would have met Olo and Wen, and I don't want that. I… I love them. I do, and I can't picture a life without them in it anymore. I don't want to.
I may not know them completely, but I want to get there. I want to know them as well as they know each other. I want to fall asleep in their arms and wake up to them in the mornings. For the brief time I had with them uninterrupted, I was happy. Happier than I can ever remember being. They are so sweet and protective and loving, and I want to be surrounded by that, and them, for the rest of my life.
Gods, I can envision my forever with them, and while some part of me is terrified by that, it feels right and I'm not going to fight it. I don't want to fight it, or them.
I want to love them and receive their love in return so badly that some cycles I can't breathe from the intensity of it. We just need our freedom so I can chase these dreams the way they deserve to be chased. We need our freedom so we can raise this child together and get our happily ever after.
We deserve it, and so do all these captured people.
Chapter 17
Wen
Ithinkthehardestpart of this whole mess is watching my mates suffer, knowing there's very little I can do to help them. Olo has been tough through it all, enduring it with a somewhat pained smile, but a smile nonetheless. Lyra, on the other hand, is slowly descending into madness.
A pregnant omega needs many things, all things she doesn't currently have. Her nesting instincts should be in full swing, but without a safe den, let alone a comforting and safe nest, all it does is increase the omega’s stress. Omegas who are baby-bound hardly leave their den, and they need their alpha's scent surrounding them at all times. They need routine and peace to safely carry to term.
None of which she is getting here.
I'm not sure how much more they can take, or how much more I can take. It's been agonizing watching them slip further and further from the omegas I know, losing themselves due to this high-stress situation, but I don't know what to do, what I can do.
I purr for them, hold them close, and cuddle when they want to, but it's concerning when Lyra pushes me away more and more. For an omega to spurn their alpha's touch and affection is another sign of budding madness, and it's killing me.
If this goes on for much longer, I fear she'll lose the baby, and herself.
Watching her is destroying me, and I know Olo feels the tension too. It's impossible to miss. He's holding on for her sake, to show her strength so she maintains her grip on reality, but he won’t make it much longer either.
Even now Olo is in the corner, watching Lyra pace just as I am. She's tearing into her fingernails one by one, even though there's nothing left to bite into when she's already bitten her nails down to the point where they bleed. Lyra's losing weight quickly, and it's not due to the rations we are given. After that first “meal,” the bastard Clija has provided us with plenty of food and water to sustain ourselves.
The only issue is that Lyra's desire to eat is practically nonexistent, and she refuses all food and water unless I command her to eat it and feed it to her by hand. Yet even that's not a guarantee she'll keep it down. More often than not, she vomits it all back up.
I'm at a loss, and I'm terrified.
One thing that has worked in our favor is their complete lack of knowledge regarding an omega’s breeding cycle. They have yet to realize omegas need to be in heat to conceive, and it’s the only reason Olo isn't with child, otherwise I'd have to watch both my mates descend into madness without a nest to ensure the babies’ safety.
Every time they pull Lyra out for her tests, they force their own tests on us. They have tried threatening my mates and myself if I didn't harden and mate with Olo. When that didn't work, they tried different drugs until finally, one worked. I don't know what drug it is, but the damned gas ensures I'm ready to rut with my mate, who isn't anywhere near his heat. Thankfully a growl is all it takes for Olo to grow wet so I don't tear him, but fuck if the whole thing doesn't infuriate me.
I don't plan to tell them about the heat cycle, either. I fear what they'll do, and what new tests they'll run. If we stay here for much longer, though, they'll find out when Olo eventually does go into heat; there's no hiding it once it's here. Then, if Olo conceives, it's another baby we will end up potentially losing, either to a miscarriage from a stressed omega, or because Clija sells them to the highest bidder.
Either option is fucking horrifying.
A soft growl pulls me from my thoughts, and I eye my little female with no small amount of concern. Her growl is getting steadily louder the longer she paces. Lyra's lips are pulled back in a snarl, and she looks completely disheveled. Olo is looking worse for wear too, and I'm sure I don't look any better. Not showering does that.
Our bathroom consists of a little toilet and sink that rises from the plates in the floor, and it can only be activated from outside our cell. No matter how much I walked the area where it pops up, nothing I did worked. It's all just another tactic Clija employs to fuck with us, I'm sure, and fuck me, it works. It's demeaning to say the least, and knowing they're watching?
I curl my lip in a silent snarl.
Inhaling sharply, I take a deep breath in and slowly let it out to calm myself. Instead of letting my anger win, I offer my little female a purr in an effort to calm her. It's one of the only things I can do for her, and fuck, if that doesn't grate on my pride as their alpha.