She didn’t mention the shots where I was the one looking at him as if he’d hung the moon, for which I am eternally grateful. “Do you realize most of those were taken before he knew who you were? That was very important to us.”
“Us? You and dad?” She pointed around the table at all of the others.
“By the way, your father and I are very proud of you.” Have you ever heard a record scratch? I have; since it’s Grandma Astor’s favorite music medium, I know my way around a turntable. That was the sound I heard in my head, and everything else seemed to stand still at her words. “Come again!”
She laughed instead of calling me facetious because I’d forgotten to hide the snark in my tone.
“Aren’t you glad I held you back all these years? Kept you from wading in whenever someone bullied you?”
“I don’t understand.” How did we make this jump?
“Well, by holding you back while you were younger from jumping into the fray at every turn, teaching you to be patient, to take another route, you’ve learned how to stand on your own two feet. But not only that; you also learned how to read the people around you. Who to be wary of, who you can trust.”
“All that time when you were mad at me because I wouldn’t let you go after your tormentors when you thought I didn’t care about you. Yes, I know.” She continued when I gave her a disbelieving look. I never knew she knew I felt that way.
“I was actually preparing you the best way I know how for adulthood. The things that children do, those same children grow into adults, and unless they’re taught better, they will continue that behavior. As a child, you were under my care; it was my job to protect you.” What does that have to do with those little shits pulling my hair and throwing dirt at me in kindergarten, Helen Keller?
“And even though you never saw it, each and every one of those people, whoever bullied you, I dealt with them in my own way by going through their parents. Didn’t you ever notice that some of them just disappeared from your life and the others who stayed never bothered you again?”
“The ones who continued, those are the ones that cannot be saved, and no doubt you won’t deal with them again because you know what they are. But they’re also the ones who taught you, prepared you, for what you just faced. Now you’re an adult; you will know how to handle it on your own if I’m not there or your father’s not there to protect you. Now, do you understand?”
I was still a bit confused, but I guess I understood where she was coming from. I figured since she was in the mood to talk that now was the best time to get some of those answers I needed. “So, is that the reason you think I need round-the-clock security? Because you don’t trust me to take care of myself yet? But you just said….”
“It’s not that. Bullying, everyone goes through bullying in some way or another in life; well, not everyone, but you know what I mean. By the time you came along, we’d decided to keep you as well hidden as possible from the public eye. No one anywhere will find any information on you. Even if you went ahead and got social media accounts, someone would be monitoring them daily to make sure that your identity remained safe.” And we’re back on the crazy train.
“Didn’t you just say you were proud of me?”
“Yes, for the way you handled this situation with the senator’s daughter, but one thing has nothing to do with the other. I’m afraid you’re always going to have people watching over you; it’s not something I can help, even if you hate it.”
“But why? Is it because you don’t trust me?”
“Of course not. It’s my own fears that have caused me to be overly cautious where you’re concerned. I used to think like you, used to go my own way no matter what my parents said or did. I fought against the restraints just as hard, harder even. I just wanted my freedom; I wanted to be like everyone else while enjoying the life of luxury I was born into.”
“But that all changed when I lost someone dear to me.” She stopped talking as her eyes filled up with tears. My heart literally ached seeing her like that. I love my mom! I don’t think that statement very often, but at the moment, it seemed rather poignant. I genuinely love her.
“Mom!” She reached over and wiped my cheeks dry of the tears I didn’t know I had shed.
“Lisa?” Cody called out to me from across the table with a look of concern on his face and got up from his seat, ignoring the stares of the others as he walked around the table to crouch next to my seat. Even I was amazed at his gumption. “What’s the matter, baby?” I don’t think he realized that we were the center of attention or if he did, he didn’t seem to care.