I wasn’t ready to be soothed and forgiven. I wasn’t ready to forgive myself for her death, as he thought I should. I jerked out of his grasp and stood. Staggering away, I avoided his gaze, shaking my head. Too overwhelmed, too heavy, too guilty.
Guilty.
“Don’t,” I uttered as he stood, stepping closer. I made a beeline for the door and he stepped in front of me, solid as stone.
“You are not leaving here,” he commanded.
My eyes snapped to his as a renewed rage burned in my chest. I tried to step around him and he matched it, blocking my way.
“You cannot order me around like you do the rest of the people here,” I spat at him, shoving his chest. “I am leaving!”
“No. You are not.” He crossed his arms over his chest, glaring down at me. My teeth clenched, cheeks flushing with anger.
“You think just because you bit me like an animal you own me? You don’t. I amnotyour mate. Your possession. You cannot order me to stay here.”
I shoved at him again.
“I am no one’s possession.”
And shoved him again, tears spilling down my cheeks.
“I belong to no one.”
And again.
“I have no one.”
He caught my hands this time, wrapping one hand around the back of my head and pulling me into his chest. I melted into him, unraveling as his scent enveloped me.
“Me. You have me.”
My breath hitched and I pulled back, searching his face. He looked genuine and a small, hidden part of me wanted to believe him. But I didn’t.
“You can be angry. Hell, you should be. But you will be angry here. With me. Take it out on me. Take out every ugly, suffocating emotion on me, because I am not letting you go out there to shoulder this alone.” He brought his hands to my cheeks. “You arenotalone, Ara.”
My mouth fell open at his words, lips quivering, but I couldn’t let go of the rage. If I did, all that would be left was agony and guilt and overwhelming devastation. I couldn’t go back to that. Not right now.
“Tell me what you need, Ara. Tell me what I can do,” he urged, searching my eyes.
“I-I don’t know,” I stammered, shaking my head. “I don’t know. I—” My palms found my forehead and I scrunched my eyes. “I don’t know.”
It was too much. My thoughts were spiraling, the emotion suffocating, and together, they created a whirlwind within me. My head. My chest. My heart. It was chaos. Out of control, painful chaos.
I dropped my hands, opening my eyes to meet his. He held my gaze before my eyes dropped to his mouth.
“Control,” I said.
For once in my life, I need control.
I grabbed his face and pulled it down to mine, crashing my mouth to his. He tensed against my grip before groaning into my mouth. His hands went to my waist, sliding down and pulling me against him. I could feel him hardening, and I shoved my hand into his trousers, wrapping it around him.
Breaking from his mouth, I dropped to my knees, looking at him through my lashes as I undid his belt.
“Ara, you don’t have to—”
“I don’thaveto do anything.” I unbuttoned his trousers and his hardened length sprung free. My hand wrapped around him and he inhaled sharply. His heated gaze burned into me as he watched my hand stroke him. “I want to.”
He nodded and I leaned forward, licking him from the base to the tip, tasting the bead of saltiness. He groaned and a thrill of satisfaction shot through me at the look on his face, as his self-control crumbled beneath my touch. I took him in my mouth, taking as much of him as I could before gagging and pulling back.