No. He could push for whatever he wanted, but I would stand my ground. For once, I will stand my ground.
Running my hand through my hair, my fingers grazed past my ear, feeling its point.
A small chuckle escaped me as I realized Finn would never agree to marry me now, anyway. No human would agree to marry a Fae. The prejudice was too thick, too solid.
The exact opposite of what Vaelor and my mother wished for the realm. Sighing, I dropped my forehead to my palm, scrunching my eyes against the guilt.
It seemed guilt was the only thing I was capable of feeling lately.
Vaelor and my mother had desperately hoped to harbor peace between Auryna and Ravaryn and now… There was more strife than ever before and the humans were so completely ignorant of it, so recklessly trusting. They had no idea of the devastation Auryna wrought.
There was so much wrong. It was all so wrong. The death. The war. The hate.
The Fae are not monsters. They are not.
I am not.
How naive I had been, spending years wishing for more, more adventure, more freedom. A sick laugh escaped me as I stood, tapping my fingers on my thigh as I began pacing. In a twisted game of fate, I got it. I wasn’t in Auryna anymore, blissfully unaware of everything I knew now.
But would it be considered blissful? To be so ignorant of everything that needed to change?
No, it would be selfish. Weak. I had been weak. Cowardly.
The emotions swirling in me were spiraling, swelling, growing. The embarrassment that came with Rogue claiming me, for being attracted to him at all, for being so blind for so long. The crushing guilt on behalf of the man who raised me while also simultaneously ordering the murder of Fae children. The sadness for my mother and her lost love, the fact that she had to grieve alone for so long. The anger that I wasn’t who I thought was, but would also never get to be who I was meant to be.
It was overwhelming. I was suddenly drowning and the sea of torment was sucking the very breath from my lungs. I turned to the window, begging the sky to calm me, to return my breath. Bracing my hand on the window sill, my chest rose and fell too quickly, and with my lack of air came dark, heavy clouds. They billowed, growing and twisting until they swallowed the sun.
I tried to breathe, to calm myself and the storm developing before me, but no air came. My chest was too heavy, too tight.
Lightning crackled across the sky and a black, winged silhouette stood out against the brilliant white.
Panic struck me, the weight on my chest crushing.
I was causing this and Rogue was out there.
With the throat tightening fear came rain. All at once, it was a downpour and thunder rumbled in the sky. Lightning cracked again, spearing down and striking the sea, now raging beneath him. A choked gasp escaped me as lightning struck, again and again, feeding from my horror. From my hysteria.
Rogue was narrowly missing each bolt as he rapidly flew closer to the castle.
Tears were streaming down my cheeks now. I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t stop it. I gripped the windowsill with both hands, my knuckles white with effort, silently urging him to fly faster.
The sounds of howling wind and roaring rain were the only thing I could hear. The clouds blacked out the sky as the rain fell in heavy sheets and I could no longer see Rogue or even the ocean.
The lightning struck again, striking Rogue’s silhouette, and a guttural scream ripped from my throat as he fell unconscious from the sky, tumbling end over end.
I sprinted to my door, ripping it open, and continued down the steps in a frenzy. Once in the hallway, several shocked guards turned to me from the entryway and I rushed to them.
“Ro-Rogue. He was struck—” I couldn’t breathe. I clutched my chest with shaking hands. “He was struck by lightning. He fell.”
They immediately turned on their heels and ran to the front entrance. I followed close behind but hesitated just before we reached the door. I turned and ran in the opposite direction, back up the stairs. My muscles screamed as I willed my feet to go as fast as possible.
I pushed open Iaso’s door and it slammed against the wall.
“Iaso! Help!” Panicked tears soaked my cheeks as my chest burned. “Iaso!”
She rushed out of the greenhouse, eyes wide.
“It’s Rogue. He was struck by lightning and-and he fell from the sky. It was my fault,” I managed through choked sobs.