I woke several hours later to Finn lightly tapping my shoulder, whispering my name. Starting, I tossed the book on the nearby table and searched his face for any sign that he didn’t know of the engagement, that he didn’t knowingly agree to this, but there was none.
“Ara, hey, wait,” he said as I turned away, tossed the blanket behind the chair, and stood to leave. “I’m sorry for not warning you about last night. Your father came to me, telling me of his wishes to marry us sooner rather than later, and… well,” he rubbed the back of his neck, a blush creeping up his neck. “Let’s be honest, you’ve always known how I felt for you. I want to marry you and I can provide for you. We can be happy,” he pleaded. “I already have a nice house with plenty of room. You could even add a library and read all day long.”
I almost felt pity for him. He didn’t understand. He never had. He never would.
Our friendship had always been simple, and that’s what I had enjoyed about it. He didn’t push me for deep conversation or ask prying questions about my father or family. We just enjoyed our time, strolling through the woods, riding horses, sparring occasionally. He had even taught me to use a bow when we were younger.
I had always appreciated our friendship for what it was. A distraction. A way out of my father’s tight grasp for a time. He trusted Finley enough to allow me to leave with him and I took any chance I had to leave the grounds.
Looking into his pleading eyes, it pained me to know I couldn’t give him the life he so desperately longed for. If I were to marry him, my face would always be turned to the window, searching for more, and if not that, I would be a shell of the person I am now.
I couldn’t be who I wished to be and the woman he wanted me to be.
“Finn, I meant it when I said I never wished to marry,” I said, peeking up at him. Hurt flashed across his face and I dropped my gaze to the floor. “It’s not you. It’s anybody, everybody. I have been locked away in our estate my entire life. Never tasted true freedom. Never been given the choice to decide anything for myself. My father would never allow me that and now he has taken away even my choice in who and when I marry,” I said, gaining confidence.
I needed him to understand. Forcing myself to look up, my heart sank. Rejection was written into his every feature.
Hadn’t he known this is how I would react?
A second passed as every emotion played out behind his eyes—confusion, hurt, denial, anger. His face hardened, his head cocking to the side as he leaned closer.
“Did it really never occur to you that your father allowing you to leave the grounds with me, so casually and so often, these past few months was unusual? You seem so utterly surprised that he’s given your hand, but how many times has he been so casual about you leaving? Who else are you allowed to leave the grounds with?”
I gawked at him, my mouth falling open.
“We had hoped you’d wish to marry me on your own by now, but he’s decided it’s time and I agree. I’ve cherished my days with you so far and I will cherish every day we have to come. You were promised to me, Ara. I will have you,” he declared.
I couldn’t do anything but ogle at him. An angry blush crept up my cheeks.
“You will learn to love me, in time, and I am a patient man. I will be waiting for that day,” he said, looking at me with sureness and a twisted sense of compassion as if he was doing me a favor.
He paused as if waiting for a reply and resolved to glide past me toward the door when I didn’t give one, leaving me in my shock.
Embarrassment flooded me as my heart thundered in my ears.
I had been so worried that when I’d told him the truth, it would break his heart and ruin our friendship, somehow convincing myself that he’d been just a pawn like me. A willing pawn but a pawn all the same.
But no, he wasn’t.
He was an accomplice. A catalyst, aiming for control.
It was a slap to the face. Our entire lives, I had known him to be nothing but kind and respectful…. But now, I was questioning every conversation, every experience, we’d ever had.
The room spun before me.
How is this happening?
How can every man in my life be this determined to control me? Determining where I go, what I do, who I marry, when I marry?
Grinding my teeth, I inhaled deeply, exhaling to calm my pounding heart.
My patience was wearing thin.
Chapter Five
Ara
Grabbing the novel and giving Asha a quick goodbye, I stepped out of the library.