He clears his throat and pulls his gaze away.
Interesting. I hadn't realised his fixation before, but I would remember it for the future.
"Thank you," I say as I examine each box in turn. It's evident that almost all of the charcoal he's purchased for me is of better quality than the ones I'm used to using. "These are amazing."
"I'm glad you like them."
"I do." I turn to him, half wishing I had the courage to kiss him properly. It is strange how something we have done dozens of times now feels like it is something forbidden, especially when it no longer is.
Perhaps it is because we are both aware that a kiss between us now is a very different thing. We're no longer two single people trying to avoid marriage. We are husband and wife. If we kiss, it will be admitting that not only do we want a marriage, but we want this one, and I don't know if either of us are truly ready for that.
I meet his gaze, surprised that I don't discover some of the same turmoil in his eyes as is going through my mind. Instead, Philip's gaze is determined, as if he's decided something important. I wish I had the confidence to ask him what it was.
"Philip..." His name comes out as barely more than a whisper.
"Letitia," he responds, stepping closer and seeming to understand what I'm saying without any of the words leaving my mouth.
"I don't know how to thank you for any of this," I murmur.
"You don't need to thank me," he assures me.
"That doesn't mean I don't want to." I close the gap between us and place my hand on his chest.
His gaze lowers, and I can tell he's thinking of kissing me as much as I am of him. Perhaps this can be the moment that changes our reality.
"There you are," the Countess says.
I close my eyes and let out a small groan. Her timing is truly terrible.
"I wasn't aware you were waiting for us, Mother," Philip says, a somewhat stiff tone in his voice, as if he isn't particularly pleased with the interruption either.
"It is time for Lady Cygnus and I to go to the dressmakers or we won't have anything to wear for Lady Ferrington's ball."
I freeze in place, trying not to think of the horror that would be going to the dressmaker with her. So far, it is something I've managed to avoid, but I've known that it was coming.
"I've already made it clear that my wife is to use the modiste of her choosing," Philip saysfirmly. "That does not change just because you want it to."
"I hardly find Lady Cygnus' choice of modiste to be acceptable."
"That is not for you to decide," he says. "She is my wife, representing my family, and I believe her taste in dresses is perfectly fine."
"She isn't even wearing gloves right now," the Countess says, horror seeping through every word.
"I was touching charcoal." I gesture to the sideboard.
The Countess lets out a loud sigh. "I see our servants are going to have their work cut out for them thanks to this pastime of yours."
"Mother," Philip chides. "That is unnecessary. Lady Cygnus has done everything possible to prevent that, what more do you expect her to do?"
"She could take up the pianoforte like many other young ladies her age."
"Music is not my talent," I say.
"Nor is behaving in a way that befits a future Countess."
I stiffen, unsure what the best way to respond is, especially when I don't wish to make things even more strained between us.
"I understand that you are disappointed in me for my behaviour, Mother." Authority shinesthrough Philip's tone, and he steps between the two of us, shielding me from the Countess' disapproving gaze. "But that is enough. You are to stop taking out your displeasure on my wife. She is from a good family, and has an excellent character, both of which are qualities you yourself informed me I needed to find in a wife."