Not wanting to think about her parents, she switched gears. It was, she decided, a good time for her to spread her wings. The twins were old enough to attend nursery school or a playgroup in the morning, and they would benefit from being around children their age. She could have the morning to work at...something. She could, for a few hours a day, be something other than a mum. And if she had a few hours free in the morning, maybe she could start designing fashion again.
The thought created little sparkles on her skin and her stomach rolled over in delight.
Truth was, she was jealous of those women who seemed to have it all, who effortlessly juggled the demands of a career withbeing a wife and a mum. They were, in her mind, superwomen. Thadie also envied Dodi and Ella. Her brothers’ women supported themselves, and they did not need their fiancés’—or in her case, her father’s—money. She also wanted to feel strong, capable, fulfilled...to be more than just the twins’ mum.
Before she’d met Angus, before she’d seen those two lines on that pregnancy test, she’d had plans and had burned with ambition. All her life she’d watched her brothers’ meteoric rise to be two of the continent’s most influential businessmen, and, while she had no desire to be a captain of industry, she’d vowed to make her mark in the world of fashion.
Le Rouxs, as her father had always said, did not hide their lights under a bushel. She’d graduated top of her class and had secured an internship to work under Bryce Coin, who was now the creative force behind Quills, one of the newest and most creative fashion houses in the world. But all that had come to a screeching stop when she’d realised she was pregnant.
Maybe there was a path back to that...
But along with excitement, she felt fear, dark and harsh, swamping her tentative plans. What if she found amazing success, loved it too much and got involved in her career, in her new life, and started to neglect her sons? What if she wasn’t successful at all? What if she stepped back and Angus stepped up and he became their primary caregiver, the person they turned to because she was too involved in her interests, her life?
What if she forgot that the twins were the focus of her life?
No, she’d never do that to them. She knew how much it hurt to have selfish parents. Her boys would always be her highest priority.
Thadie felt Angus kiss her shoulder before he settled behind her, legs on either side of hers. ‘You’re miles away, Thads. Please tell me that you don’t have any regrets?’
She rested the back of her head on his collarbone as the purple colours in the sunset deepened to indigo. ‘Not about what we did, no,’ she told him.
He pulled back from her and changed position so that he could see her face. He bent his long legs, rested his wrists on his knees and looked at her, curiosity in his eyes. ‘What do you regret, Thadie?’
She pulled a finger through the fine white sand, wondering whether he would understand her sudden second thoughts about her life, her choices to be a stay-at-home mum, her frustration at never quite feeling she measured up. Like her brothers, Angus had never let anything stand in his way. Then again, none of them had found themselves single and pregnant with twins.
‘Do you ever come face to face with yourself, not sure whether you like what you see?’ Thadie asked.
‘I like what I see,’ Angus murmured, picking up her hand and placing a hot kiss in the centre. He dropped her hand and held it against his thigh. ‘What don’t you like, Thads?’
And there was the sixty-million-dollar question. ‘Sometimes I feel dissatisfied and unfulfilled. I’ve been feeling like that for a while, and I thought it was because my wedding plans were going awry because Clyde and I were drifting apart.’
‘But it wasn’t that,’ Angus said, conviction in his voice.
She nodded. ‘No, I’ve realised it goes deeper than that. I was, am, unsatisfied about...well, me.’
‘Why? You’re incredible!’ His astonishment made her smile and fed oxygen to the ever-persistent flames of desire. ‘You’re sexy and stunning and you’re such an amazing mum.’
Look, she loved hearing that she was a good mother but once, just once, she’d also like to be told she was smart and successful. ‘That’s the thing, Angus—people only see me as a good mum.’
‘You work for charity, and you have this enormous following on social media, promoting body positivity,’ Angus argued.
‘I work for various charities, but that barely takes up any of my time. And, let’s be honest, they like having me sit on the board, and attending their cocktail parties and balls, because I’m a Le Roux. As for the social media following, this idea that I’m a body-positive influencer is nonsense. Of course, I believe in the concept, but I was only tagged with that label because I frequently publish posts encouraging new mums to give themselves a break about their post-baby weight,’ Thadie countered.
‘Being a mum is hard enough without having to look as good as you did before you had kids. The last thing new mums need is to get caught up in the unless-we’re-skinny-we-can’t-be-happy nonsense,’ Thadie added, feeling fierce.
‘Being healthy is what’s most important,’ Angus agreed. He reached for the bottle of champagne he’d carried to the beach, along with two glasses, and pulled the tag to remove the foil. ‘But we’re getting distracted. Tell me why you feel dissatisfied.’
Thadie watched as he popped the cork and poured pale gold champagne into crystal flutes.
‘I was a pretty good fashion designer once,’ she explained. ‘I was offered an internship with a famous designer.’
‘What happened?’ Angus asked. She simply looked at him, her eyebrows raised. He pulled a face, catching on quickly. ‘You discovered you were pregnant.’
Thadie sipped at her champagne. ‘Yeah. I wanted to keep working, but my brothers didn’t want me in New York on my own. And then I heard that I was having twins and was expected to work twelve-to-sixteen-hour days. I knew it wasn’t feasible.’
Angus rubbed the back of his neck. ‘So you lost the opportunity,’ he stated.
‘Yep,’ she agreed. ‘I helped Dodi out in her bridal salon until I got too big to move, and after the twins arrived, looking after them took up all of my time.’