‘Why not?’ she asked. ‘I have enough money to provide everything they need... Medical, great schooling and, later, to pay for their university education. I don’t need your money, and you live on the other side of the world. And, more importantly, I know nothing more about you than the fact that you are a good lover. I don’t know you well enough to know whether you’d be a good father to them. That’s all I want for them.’
But memories of that night in London rolled over her, as resolute as a rogue wave. He’d been an exceptional lover, but she also recalled him as being thoughtful and considerate. It had been cold, and he’d placed his jacket around her shoulders as they’d walked from the taxi to the hotel lobby. He’d asked her, a few times, how she was feeling, whether she was sure she wanted to make love. And at every stage of their lovemaking, her pleasure had been at the top of his agenda. When she’d lain in his arms, sated and awash with the after-effects of sensational sex, he’d pulled a sheet up over her shoulder to make sure she wasn’t chilly and the next morning he’d fetched her coffee from the tray delivered by room service at the crack of dawn. He’d been thoughtful and considerate to a woman who’d been little more than a stranger. She sensed that was simply part of his make-up.
But it was a big leap between treating a lover well and being a good father. And while she was prepared to be disappointed—her parents had disappointed her all her life—she refused to let that happen to her boys.
‘You stated you wanted a good father for the twins,’ Angus said, frowning. ‘And you don’t seem to be cut up about being dumped. Did you decide to marry Strathern because you thought he’d be good for Gus and Finn?’
Her mouth dropped open and she just managed to stop her wince. How did he manage to put those puzzle pieces together so quickly? Was he some sort of boy genius? Man genius, she corrected. There was nothing boyish about Angus.
There was no way that she was going to tell him about her lifelong desire to have a family, to recreate what she’d never had as a child.
‘Well?’
‘Are you always this nosy?’ she asked him.
‘When I’m interested. Are you going to tell me?’
‘No.’
‘Fair enough.’ Angus placed his big hands on the marble countertop, his expression thoughtful. When he looked up again, she noticed his determined expression. ‘I want to meet the twins. I want to know them. I want them to know me.’
Thadie rubbed the back of her neck, panic crawling up her throat. This was too much, too soon. The twins had been through enough...they didn’t need...no! She had to be honest, at least with herself. She was the one who’d needed more for them, who’d wanted them to be raised in an old-fashioned family.
The truth was that the boys, not having seen much of Clyde lately, weren’t missing his lack of input at all. Nothing much had changed in their world.
Another truth was that seeing Angus again scared her, being around him felt as if she’d been jolted with a cattle prod. Hemade her feel, made her yearn. And burn. She wanted his hands on her, his mouth on hers, her legs around his hips as he slid inside her...
He made her feel out of control and buzzy, as if she were sitting on the edge of a rocket and shooting through the atmosphere, burning up. Unlike Clyde, who was consistently calm and laid-back, Angus was tough, hard and direct. She didn’t think he possessed a volatile personality, but he madeherfeel volatile, and that was enough for her to keep her distance.
‘I am not dropping another father on them so quickly, that would confuse them.’ Besides, she needed time to get used to the idea. ‘The best thing would be for you to go back to London. You could start talking to them via video-call, you can get to know them that way. For the first few weeks, or months, I’ll introduce you as a friend of mine and, ifyou manage to build a rapport with them, I’ll think about the next step. I won’t have them disappointed by another man who says he wants to be their father and then isn’t.’
‘I’m not in the habit of disappointing people, Thadie.’
People said that but they inevitably did. It was better to expect disappointment and prepare for it rather than let it sideswipe you. She’d spent her childhood and teens thinking that, waiting for her parents to see her, to spend time with her, but they could never be bothered. It was better to not want or dream than to have her hopes raised and shattered. She’d been prepared to marry Clyde because she’d known she’d never feel more for him than she should, ask or expect more than for him to be a dad.
And despite his perfidy, his underhand sneakiness, his defection didn’t hurt. She was mad at him, livid, but not hurt. Her kids hadn’t been disappointed by him—neither had she—and that was all that mattered.
Angus’s expression turned thoughtful. ‘I understand, and appreciate, your wish to ease them into the situation. But I still want to meet them.’
‘I’m flying to Petit Frère tomorrow,’ Thadie pointed out. ‘There’s no time.’
‘There’s tonight,’ he countered.
No! She wasn’t ready, not yet. She needed time to think, to plan, to work out how she was going to handle Angus’s reappearance in her life. ‘No, not today.’
The edges of his mouth lifted in a smile as he cocked his head. ‘I don’t think you have a choice,’ he said. ‘There’s a car pulling up the driveway.’
In London, around Angus, her world had narrowed to encompass only him, and it seemed as if it had happened again. So much so that she hadn’t heard Jabu’s noisy Land Rover—an ancient beast he loved and adored—pull up outside. Now that she was paying attention, she heard the slam of heavy doors and the high-pitched chatter of her boys as they ran through the front door and into the great room, dumping their small rucksacks on the hall bench.
‘Mum! Mum, where are you?’ Gus shouted, excitement in his high-pitched voice. What had they been up to?
‘Use your eyes, Gus,’ Finn said, in his slow and deliberate way. Her youngest son was incredibly observant and had immediately noticed Angus. Then again, since he’d stood up on their arrival, they couldn’t miss the tall, muscular stranger in their home.
Jabu stepped into the room and his eyes darted between Angus and herself, as curious as the twins. ‘Jago said you were home, so I thought I’d save you a trip and deliver the monsters myself,’ Jabu explained.
‘Thanks, Mkulu,’ Thadie replied in Zulu, as she always did. She wished she’d thought to call him and tell him she’d collect them from Hadleigh House. ‘Have they been okay?’
Jabu did a mini eye-roll. ‘These two are always okay. They are indestructible. Who’s the guy?’