“Not at all.” I laugh, but the sound has no humor. “That first time he hit me, I was shocked. I didn’t want to believe he meant to hurt me, or that he wasn’t the loving man I thought he was. I made excuses. I said things like our tempers were out of control and got the better of us. I even blamed myself because I was pushing him to agree with me. The excuses for his behavior were never ending.”
While I’m telling King this my eyes are unfocused, my mind drifts back to that dark place full of shame and despair. I go back to a time when I lost sight of who I am.
“Shelby—”
“That’s what makes that first hit the deadliest though, King. You let him away with it and it becomes okay. You take the majority of the blame, and it colors how you think from that moment on. It opens the flood gate on every single insecurity you’ve ever had. So that when the next time happens you believe it when he tells you that it’s your fault. You hear him list the things you did wrong, and you start to agree with him. You apologize for nagging him or pushing his buttons.”
King pulls my face around gently, so I look at him. “Babe, there’s never a reason for a man to lash out at a woman like that and if he does, he isn’t a fucking man.”
I smile a smile I don’t feel. Tears are pooled in my eyes, making King’s face somewhat blurry.
“I realized that—eventually.The problem with men who abuse is, once they discover they can’t manipulate you any longer, they use fear.”
“Shelby…”
“Even if you aren’t a weak person, fear is a really good way to control you.” He lifts me up suddenly, making me squeal. The boat starts to teeter beneath us. I’m afraid we are both about to take a swim. When I’m settled in his lap and positive the two of us aren’t going to fall into the small lake, I slap his chest. “Are you crazy? You could drown us both!”
King laughs, taking both my hands in one of his. “I’m not going to capsize the damn boat. I just needed you close.”
“Why?” I ask, settling into his lap. This is dangerous for a whole different reason. Being this close to King makes my entire body tremble.
“I want to look into your eyes so that I know you can hear me.” His arms enclose around me. That safe feeling overwhelms me as he gazes at me like he can see straight to my soul.
“Hear you?”
“I’m making you a promise right now, beautiful. This fucking Mason—whoever he is—won’t touch you again. I’m not going to let him anywhere near you from here on out.” There’s an edge to his voice that tells me he means every word and that should scare me more than being this close to him with the lake providing the perfect backdrop for the best date I’ve ever had.
“This is like our first date. We don’t even know each other well enough for you to make that promise, and there’s not going to be a second date. I’m not ready for a relationship right now.”
“You’re right,” King tells me as I frown at him. “I’m not going to date you.” This time I can’t hide my disappointment. It’s visceral as my heart drops to my stomach. Even though I get that we don’t have anything in common and I’m truly not ready. I was hoping King would fight to keep seeing me.
Which is crazy.
“You’re not?” I murmur.
“I’m going to claim you,” King says, pulling me in for a kiss.
I don’t know what he means by claim me, but I want it—even knowing I shouldn’t. I whimper as King’s tongue teases my lips. When I give him entry, it feels like instant combustion. Heat floods my entire body. This man knows how to kiss. It’s soft and sensual, while feeling like he’s desperate for me. The sensations are unlike anything I knew possible.
I give in, completely consumed by his kiss as it deepens, reaching places that have longed for a connection such as ours. King touches something inside me that I thought I had locked away for good. Hope blooms in my chest though it shouldn’t.
Chapter10
King
The hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life was leaving Shelby last night after kissing her goodbye on her doorstep. Things shifted at the park yesterday. She let me inside her heart. I felt it and from that moment, I knew there would be no going back.
She needs a man at her back, too. I’m getting the idea that this Mason is still a threat. I didn’t pick up on it before—maybe because I didn’t know the whole story. Last night, when we got back, she looked around her yard and house as if she was expecting someone to jump out of the darkness.
I need to find out more about him, but I don’t have much to go on—other than his name is Mason. I didn’t want to press her yet and ask about it, but I will. I’m trying to go slowly. I don’t want to scare her.
Besides, I need to get things settled with the BMRR club. It should have been done by now, but things are moving at a snail’s pace. If I didn’t know better, I would think that Ford was dragging his damn feet to give me time to change my mind. I haven’t, but I know that when I go deep undercover, I can’t be with Shelby like I want and the truth of that burns.
If I wasn’t a selfish asshole, I’d back away from her, but I can’t. I need her. I’m worried that by the time I get this shit behind me Shelby will have found a man to take my place.
Motherfucker.Even just thinking about it pisses me off. I need to lock her down, tie her to my dick. I want her so bad. I don’t want to leave any room for another man to try and take what’s mine. I haven’t had a lot of experience with the good things that life has to offer. When I look at Shelby, though, I know she’s high class. She deserves better than me, but I’m going to be what she gets.
“Hey, asshole. Do I have your attention?” Ford barks out, pulling me from my thoughts.