She laughed. “I can’t even tell you how happy I am that you’re in my life. And how you tolerate all my…quirks without making me feel like a total loser.”
“You’re not a loser.”
She sighed.
“You’re not a loser. Say it.”
“You’re not a loser.”
“Lina, you know what I mean.”
Her eyes were dark with unshed tears lining her bottom lids. “I wish I weren’t, but I am, Hunter. I want so much to be…normal. To be with you in so many ways I’m not able to. To not worry all the time. To not fear everything so deeply.” She closed her eyes and twin tears fell. “You make me want to try, though. To try and be a better person, a stronger person, so maybe you’d consider me.”
She made me want to be a better man, too.
“Lina,” I said as I brought my thumb her to face and wiped the tears from her left eye. Her skin was so soft beneath my touch I needed to feel it more, so I cupped my hand to her cheek as I swirled my thumb along the smooth skin.
“Would you give me a chance to be more than your friend if…I kick this thing?”
“If I could, I’d have you right now, Lina. Right this very minute.” I rested my forehead to hers, and her body tensed. “Shhh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Shit, what was I doing?
“You…want me?” She leaned back. “Even…like this?” She wiped her tears away as my hand fell from her face.
“I want you, Lina, but…I’m…” Shit, how could I say this? Oh, because I have anger and Daddy issues.
“But I’m a mess. I understand.”
“It’s not you it’s—” Oh, I did not start the most cliché statement on the planet, did I?
She chuckled and sat up straight as she dragged the back of her hand beneath her eye.
“I didn’t finish that sentence because I knew how you’d take it.” I snatched up her hand. “I’m not sure how to tell you without freaking you out.”
“Too late.”
“I mentioned we don’t stay in places very long, right? Well…how fair is it to start something with you when, in all likelihood, I’ll be leaving.” Telling a partial truth tasted like ash in my mouth. It was more like I’d get her hurt…or killed.
She bit her bottom lip as she narrowed her eyes, studying me, like she was trying to read my mind. The truth in those brown gems slashed through the guards I was putting up—or trying to when it came to her.
I had no business bringing her into my life as a friend, let alone anything more. I was fucked up and was from an even more fucked up family—Mom excluded. Lina didn’t deserve that. She’d obviously seen enough violence in her life.
“You’re lying.”
“No, Lina. I’m—”
“It’s okay.” She stood. “I get it. I’m fine. This is good. I shouldn’t have brought it up. It’s going to be all weird now, isn’t it? Shit.”
“Whoa. I’ve never heard you swear.” I snagged her hand again so she couldn’t walk any farther from me.
She studied the floor as she threaded her fingers through mine. Everything in the world blurred away when our palms met. If I so badly needed to stay away from her, what was I doing constantly groping her hand, sitting next to her?
“I wasn’t lying. I’m trying to protect you.” From meandmy family. “I want more with you, but it’s safer for you if we—if I don’t go down that road.”
“Okay, well, I better go.” Her grip on my hand loosened. “Thanks for tonight…I like being here.”
She turned and walked toward the open door. It took every ounce of strength in my body to stay where I was and watch her walk out and possibly lose her.
It was better for her, though, that I stayed where I was.