“That you’re strong and courageous. That you’re working through whatever shoved you into the disorder.”
“Nice answer, Doc.”
I huffed.
She turned toward the windows. The sun had set long ago, so it was nothing but a wall of black that reflected our images back to us. She crossed her arms over her chest and closed her eyes.
In the reflection, I saw myself sitting on the bed, elbows on my knees and my hands clasped before me. I wasn’t sure what to do or say, so I just sat there, watching her. It was a nice view, so I didn’t mind.
“If I were stronger, I wouldn’t be the way I am, though, right?”
“Not necessarily.”
“That’s conveniently vague, isn’t it?”
I laughed. “Aren’t all shrinks like that?”
Now she laughed. “Not Jenna. She’s in my face.”
“Well, she’s good at what she does. I’m just a wannabe.” And a thought jumped into my mind. I could have Jenna write me a note. Or counsel me…shit, did I really want to go the counseling route again?
“I wouldn’t say that. You’ve gotten me further in four weeks than she has in over two years.”
“I’m thinking that was all you.”
She faced me, those devastating eyes plowing over me. “It’s been you.”
“I can’t let you give me all the credit. I may have nudged you along some, but it’s you, Lina. You have to believe that.” I needed her to believe that.
If I could help her overcome this agoraphobia and get back into the real world, the noose of guilt around my throat over Issie’s death might loosen a notch. Not that I deserved that, but every time I helped someone the pressure lessened a little.
She smiled. “See what I mean? You’re…always like that. Always encouraging me. Not pushing me. What’s that about?” She stepped toward the bed. “How are you like this?”
I wasn’t sure what she meant. It wasn’t like I did any of this for her. She had to take those steps on her own. I hadn’t pushed her. I’d only offered to go with her. To help.
“It’s like you’re this beacon of strength or something. And your mom, holy cow.” She shook her head. “I…I haven’t hugged anyone in months.”
“Where are your folks?”
“England and Germany. They’re not around anymore.”
“They don’t visit you? Or come home sometimes?”
“Starting a new company overseas. It’s a long process.” She sagged onto the bed beside me and let out a sigh. “And…I think they’ve given up hope on me. That I’ll ever kick this…issue.”
“Yeah, well, when they do come back, they’re going to have a surprise, aren’t they?”
“Graduation.”
“That’s when they’re coming back?”
“I’m hoping.” She gazed out the windows again. “If I can get out of this building and go to the campus, yes, I’ll invite them home.”
“We’ll get you there.”
She turned, bringing up one of her legs to face me better. She rested her arm on that bent knee. “What happened to your mom?”
The question hit me in the gut with the weight of six barbells. I’d not told anyone the story. Then again none of my friends had ever met Mom, so I’d never had this come up. I hadn’t planned for it, either.Shit.