She glances up at me and then looks away before her forehead furrows, and she stares at me for a few seconds before she asks, “What the fuck happened to you?”
“What are you talking about?” I lower myself down onto the couch and rest my elbows on my knees, not sure if I want to tell her what happened. She’ll only make me feel worse.
“You looked fucked-up,” she says. “Did you do something stupid again, or are you just permanently screwed over now?”
I glare at her. “Be nice, Leah. I’ve had a hard night.”
“What happened?” Her voice softens slightly, like she still thinks I’m a fuck-up, but at least I am her fuck-up.
My mouth falls open, and I intend to say something profound, like I’ve found my reason for existing or the key to my happiness, but instead, I say, “I fucked Meg again,” which is kind of the same thing, but only with an unhappy ending since, in this case, I am not happy, but I am second-guessing my reason for existing.
Immediately, Leah looks at my desk. “When? Where?”
“Right there where you’re standing. Right before you came in here,” I say, and when a look of horror fills her face, I can’t help but laugh. “In one of the back rooms,” I tell her, and she relaxes slightly, but she’s still mortified.
Leah pulls my desk chair out and sits down. “Why did you do that—again? I thought you were all about not dating your employees and all of that jazz.” She actually makes jazz hands, and it does almost make me chuckle, but I hold it back.
“I don’t know why I did it, Leah. I didn’t intend to. She was waiting on a table for Mr. Nyx in the back with me, and she smarted off to him. It upset me because she has no fucking idea who she’s dealing with. We got into an argument, and the next thing I know, I’m kissing her.”
“Kissing her isn’t fucking her,” Leah says, as if I needed that clarified.
“It may as well have been for me,” I say, and I know it sounds odd. She’s not likely to understand what I’m talking about, but it makes perfect sense to me. “Once I kissed her, that was it. I couldn’t hold myself back. Obviously, if she’d pushed me off or told me no, I would’ve respected her wishes. But she didn’t. She was kissing me, too, running her hands all over me. So…we fucked. A lot. And it was amazing.”
Leah is quiet for several moments, studying me, and then she asks, “What happened when you were done?”
I take a deep breath in, hold it, and then blow it out. I honestly don’t want to think about it. “She left,” I tell her, as if it’s just that simple. “She got up, got dressed, told me it couldn’t happen again because it’s obviously a mistake, and then she was gone.”
A chuckle escapes Leah’s lips, and I scowl at her, wishing I had something to throw across the room that would make her stop, but if I throw a pillow off the couch, it’ll likely hit my laptop and knock it on the floor.
“I’m sorry,” she manages between laughs. “But… that’s hilarious. She threw your own words right back into your face.”
“I am aware,” I say to her, sounding angrier than I feel. I’m honestly just depressed at the moment, not mad.
“Well, what the fuck are you going to do about it?” she asks me. “You are The Fixer, right? Why can’t you fix this shit? Why can’t you fix this mess that is your own life?”
I sit in silence, shaking my head slowly. “I don’t know,” I finally admit. “I guess…after the last time with…her…I can’t figure out how to do it.” I can’t even bear to say my ex-girlfriend's name, I hate her so much. Leah knows all about that, though. She lived through it. “I’ve never been in love with anyone before like I was her, and I am afraid that if I fall in love again, it’ll end up the same. With hurt, betrayal, pain, and…the loss of a lot of money.”
Leah lets out a sympathetic sigh. “I understand all of that, Hunter. I was here for that show, remember? I have the T-shirt at home.” I roll my eyes at her for that one. “But…you’ve got to remember that Meghan isn’t her. She’s totally different. You could date her and be perfectly happy.”
“Or I could date her, and she could do the same thing—extort me for lots of money, break my heart, and run off with a friend of mine.” I shake my head even harder this time. “No, thank you.”
“Well, the way I see it, you can continue to sit around and think about her all damn day and night, or you can just get on with the inevitable. I really don’t think Meghan is capable of that.”
I want to ask her if she thought my ex was capable of it, but I don’t. I figure it doesn’t matter now. “There’s more than just that,” I say. “If I date her, she’s going to constantly be in danger. The life I live doesn’t give my lovers much of a chance to live a normal life. With all of the assholes I do business with, there’s a good chance she could end up targeted by some criminal who wants to hurt me.”
“Oh, give me a fucking break, Hunter!” Leah says, slamming both of her palms down on the desk. “She’s already in danger, and you know it!”
I sit up straight. “What the fuck are you talking about, Leah?”
“She works at Club Limelight, dumbass!” she says, and once again, I am glaring at her for insulting me. “Everyone who works here is in danger! Sure, she might be in more danger because she’s connected to you, but you can protect her the same way you protect everyone else. You’re making this a hell of a lot more complicated than it has to be. It’s like you’re just too fucking scared to admit that you want her.”
“What?” I narrow my gaze at her, and I am suddenly beginning to question whether or not Leah is really my friend. “I’m not afraid!”
“Aren’t you, though, Hunter? It seems to me like you’re doing everything you can to attempt to come up with excuses so that you don’t have to admit how much you like her. You want everyone to think you’re a big, tough guy who can’t get hurt. In reality, you’re just as vulnerable and afraid of getting your heart broken as everyone else.”
“Leah, if I break this rule, what’s to keep me from breaking all of the other rules I’ve set for my life?” Am I grasping at straws now?
She shakes her head and stands up. “Just open up that black heart of yours and date her already! It’s not going to make you change your other rules—you can still have those weird rules about…no sugar after seven in the evening, you must brush your teeth after every meal, and never wear white shoes!”