Since I can’t even think clearly and I can’t face him again until I can come up with a plan for dealing with this, I take the entire week off of work. I lay low over the weekend, text Tori with yet another lie about how I’m unwell again, and then brace for a barrage of incoming texts from Chad.
Surprisingly though, they never come. Maybe he is leaving me alone because he thinks that I am avoiding coming into work due to what happened at his house. Just to be sure that I haven’t been fired yet, I call and talk with Tori.
“How are you feeling?” she asks. “Still dealing with that GI issue? I thought it had resolved.”
“I’m okay,” I lie again. I am trulyhatingthe fact that I am getting so adept at slinging one lie after another out of my mouth. “Yeah, the doctor is putting me on a new medication that will hopefully work better. I’m sorry to take so much time off work. Is everything going okay there?”
“Aside from Chad beingultra-moody and grumpy? Yes, everything is fine. And don’t worry,” she adds as if she can read my mind, “You still have your job.”
I thank her for the update, apologize again, and then Tori tells me she hopes that I feel better before hanging up.
I spend the next few days laying super low and trying to figure out what to do. The best idea that I can come up with, is to lie once more, tell Chad that the baby isn’t his, and plead with him to not fire me while I go through pregnancy and maternity leave. At least that way I will have a job and in theory, Ishouldbe able to support myself and a baby on that income, as long as I am very frugal and careful with money.
I have an ultrasound scheduled with Dr. Gideon on Friday, and she should be able to give me some more information about how my pregnancy is going and how far along I am. I think that she might have initially misjudged the due date because I feelmuchbigger than I should for a due date that is late spring.
I spend the week picking up a few baby things discretely and making up stories to the shopkeepers downtown about having a friend back in upstate New York that is pregnant. I explain away the purchases as being baby gifts to put in the mail, and no one really questions me further. Thankfully, I don’t run into Chad at all.
I do still think about him almost every minute though. And I continue to wrestle with myself about whether or not I am doing the right thing. I have a few moments of weakness where I almost pick up the phone and call him. I fantasize about how relieved I would feel just to let out the truth and say “hey, I’m pregnant with your baby, what should we do about it?” and hope that some fairytale ending would ensue. But I know realistically that isn’t going to happen.
What will likely happen is that if I were to tell Chad the truth, it would ruin his life. So, once again I decide to go it alone. It’s not like I’m not used to handling things independently. This is no different—bigger but no different. I can handle this alone too. At least, that’s the plan when I walk into the ultrasound appointment.
“Seraphine, good to see you!” Dr. Gilead says as she comes into the exam room. “Ready for your ultrasound?”
I nod and talk to her about a few things before the tech comes in for the ultrasound. Even Dr. Gilead seems to think that my weight is too high for how far along I should be.
“Let’s take a look, then we’ll do some bloodwork and run a few more tests,” she says as she stands to the side of the tech who begins pulling up the ultrasound image. “I am sure that everything is just fine. Pregnancy isn’t an exact science, as much as it would make my job easier if it was. Every pregnancy is unique and yours might just be—”
When she stops in the middle of her sentence, a jolt of anxiety runs through me. Dr. Gilead’s face looks frozen as she leans over to the tech and asks her to quietly move the ultrasound wand over a bit so that she can take a closer look at something. I strain my neck to try to see the screen, but the tech has it tilted away from me so I can’t. I thought the whole point of the ultrasound was letting me see the picture of the baby too. I start to worry that something is severely wrong.
“Dr. Gilead?” I ask with concern. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes, Seraphine, everything is fine,” she says as she places her hand on my arm to reassure me. “Give us just a minute so that I can confirm what I’m looking at, okay? Then we will turn the screen so that you can see too.”
Confirm what she’s looking at? What is there to confirm, it’s a baby, isn’t it?
I lay there in silence as the tech continues to push the wand over the top of my stomach and I can feel movement inside as if the baby isn’t too thrilled about being poked at. To be honest, I’m not too thrilled about it either. I’m also on the verge of an anxiety attack if Dr. Gideon doesn’t tell me why she is acting so strangely. What if there is somethingwrongwith the baby? Or what if there is something wrong with me?
I try not to get too worked up but it’s definitely hard when each passing second feels like an eternity.
Finally, Dr. Gideon nods at the ultrasound tech and she pushes the screen toward me so that I can see. It’s difficult to make out the fuzzy black and white image, but there is definitely something strange about it—actually, there aretwostrange things.
“Congratulations, Seraphine,” Dr. Gideon says with a cautious smile, indicating that she is unsure of how I am going to take the news that comes out of her mouth next. “You’re carryingtwins.”
I feel like I am going to be sick.
The ultrasound tech notices the color suddenly wash from my face and is quick to get me a glass of water and prop up my pillow so that I can drink it.
“I know this is probably a shock to you,” Dr. Gideon says. “But what a blessing! Two babies instead of just one! Would you like us to call in the father so that he can see it too?”
“No, no thank you,” I say quickly as I shake my head.
Dr. Gideon looks at me with compassion in her eyes.
“Does heknow?”
I shake my head again.
“I don’t know what your situation is, and to be honest, it’s none of my business. But you might want to consider telling the father,” she says. “Pregnancy and childbirth are hard, and raising children is even harder, especially going it alone. Buttwins—well, that’s both a real miracle and also a huge responsibility.”