I exhale a shaky breath
“Okay sweetheart, good. I’m glad everything is okay. What is it that you want to tell me?”
“The dance studio has announced the winter recital and I’ve got a leading part in the ballet!”
Her ecstatic voice booms through the speakerphone.
“They’re doing a production of the Nutcracker—the Nutcracker, dad! And guess which role I get to dance?”
“Uh, the flower queen?” I look over at Seraphine who is trying not to giggle and shaking her head.
“Huh? What flower queen? There isn’t even a flower queen in the Nutcracker.” The disappointment in her voice is audible so I look over at Seraphine to throw me a line and help.
“Lilly, did you get the part of the Sugar Plum Fairy?” Seraphine asks, picking up on my cue to save me from my dance repertoire ignorance.
“Yesss!” she squeals.
I have no idea what that means but I can tell that it’s a big deal and that both girls are absolutely ecstatic over it.
“Seraphine,pleasetell me that you will come to the recital,” Lilly begs over the phone. “Please come with my dad so that I know at leastsomeoneis watching for me who understands what the Nutcracker is all about.”
“Hey,” I say, pretending to be offended.
“I’ll talk to your dad about it, and I will definitely try to be there,” Seraphine says with a smile that Lilly can’t see through the phone.
“I’m so happy that she can dance again,” Seraphine says after we hang up with Lilly.
“Yeah, me too. It makes her so happy,” I nod. “So, are you going to come then?”
“To the recital?”
“Yeah, you’re obviously invited,” I tease.
She hesitates for a moment, and it makes things feel strange between us. The Seraphine from before, the one that stayed at the house with us, would have jumped at the chance to come with me to see Lilly dance. Something isdifferentabout her now, but I can’t put my finger on what it could be. She seems uncomfortable, almost as if she doesn’t want to get too close again.
“I mean, no pressure if you don’t want to,” I say, trying to sound as if I don’t care one way or another. Idocare though. I mostly care for Lilly. I know how much it would mean to her to have Seraphine there in the audience cheering her on. It means a lot to her that I am there too, but it’s different. I can’t tell one jump or spin from another, and Lilly wants someone who canseewhat she is doing, just like her mom did.
“No, no, I want to,” Seraphine says in response to my nonchalant response. “Just let me know when it is, and I will for sure be there.”
When the night of the recital comes, Seraphine meets us at the house so that we can all ride over to the performance hall together. Lilly is all sorts of nervous and we’re running late.
“Where is she?” Seraphine asks when she comes inside. “Isn’t it time to go?”
“Yeah, but I think she has cold feet or something. I’ve tried to talk to her and tell her that we need to gonow,but she won’t come out of her room—something about her hair. She won’t open the door to let me try to help.”
“Let me try to talk to her,” Seraphine says as she heads to Lilly’s bedroom.
I wait and listen until I hear Lilly’s door open and then close again. Then, I go to stand outside the door. Usually, I wouldn’tdreamof eavesdropping.
“I just can do it,” Lilly cries from the other side of the door. “I can’t get it right. Mom used to always do my buns for me, and dad can’t do them. He tried once and it wasatrocious.I told him it was fine because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings but everyone in class laughed at me when the bun fell out.”
“Is it okay if I help you with it?” Seraphine asks.
There isn’t any answer, and several minutes go by in silence. I can only assume that Lilly agreed to let her help and that Seraphine is busy doing hair inside the bedroom.
When the door starts to open, I quickly bolt back toward the hallway so that I don’t get caught listening.
The two of them walk down the hall toward the door where I am waiting with their coats.