As I sit there for a moment, feeling my face flush and trying to figure out how to respond to her, things get even more uncomfortable when I hear Chad clear his throat in the doorway behind us.
He heard her.
And for a moment, everyone is still and silent.
“Lilly, your physical therapist is here,” Chad says, breaking the stillness in the room. “Time to put up the paints and work on that ankle.”
She protests slightly because she isn’t done with her painting but concedes because she desperately wants to heal and be able to get back to dance.
“Your dance teacher will be here right after your physical therapy is done so you’ve got a few hours of hard work ahead of you.”
“Yay!” she squeals as she gets her crutches and heads out into the other room. “I’ll be all warmed up and ready to go!”
After she leaves the room to start her physical therapy, Chad lingers in the doorway. He doesn’t make eye contact, but I can tell that he wants to say something.
“We should go get some more work done on your cottage now while Lilly is occupied for a few hours,” he says. His eyes betray that it wasn’t what he hadwantedto say, but it’s probably better that way.
I have a feeling that if he were to ever say anythingtooinviting, my resolve would crumble.
“Yeah, good idea,” I nod as I start to clean up the paints and get ready to go.
It’s a Saturday afternoon, so there’s time still over the weekend, and I want to get as much done as possible. I can’t stay here forever, and the longer that I do, the harder it will be for me to want to leave. Even now, the appeal of my claw footed bathtub is waning, being replaced by the thought of how much I enjoy sitting by the fire with Lilly and Chad after dinner.
It’s well into autumn now and the air has taken a turn toward colder temperatures with winter hovering right around the corner. Soon it will snow, and I can only imagine what Asheville will look like as a winter wonderland. I can’t wait. I want to be back in my cottage by Christmas.
Initially, I had been looking forward to a holiday season in my little cottage, decorating it with an actual fir tree and hanging strings of white lights. But now, I find myself wanting to be there by Christmas for other reasons. I know that spending Christmas in this house with Chad and Lilly will be too much of an emotional investment for any of us. It’s better if I am out before then. Besides, the holiday season tends to bring out and amplify emotions and I don’t want to add to any of Chad’s stress. I have a feeling that I have already done that enough as it is.
As we work on the cottage, I think about what Lilly said to me earlier when she was talking about her mother and about how different Chad was before they moved here.
“Do you ever miss DC?” I ask him rather randomly as he is knee-deep in pulling rotten baseboards away from the walls.
Chad pauses and turns to look at me as if I have offended him by even asking.
“No.”
It’s not as elaborate of an answer as I had been hoping for. And knowing that I shouldn’t, I still go ahead and press for a bit more explanation.
“Lilly said that you seemed happier there before you came here to North Carolina.”
At this point, he looks over and straight-up glares at me.
“Lilly says a lot of things that are filtered through the perception of a twelve-year-old girl’s head,” he says. “She’s very smart but also very emotional.”
“Emotions aren’t always bad.”
Chad stands up as if he has had enough, and I instantly regret having said anything at all. It’s not my place, but it’s obvious that he and Lilly are seeingpasteach other on this issue. He thinks that he is protecting her, but she is feeling smothered. I’m just trying to help.
“What makes you think that you have any right to ask me about this stuff and try to give me advice about something you know absolutely nothing about?” he asks.
I haven’t ever actually seen him angry and argumentative with me before. The most that I have been on the receiving end of is his occasional grumpiness and cold attitude at work.
“I’m not trying to give you advice,” I say, trying to stay reasonable and levelheaded even though my heart is starting to beat faster. I don’t want to get into an argument with him. “It’s just that I think I can see things more objectively from an outside perspective that might be helpful.”
“I don’t need your help,” he growls defensively.
“Okay, but maybe Lilly does.”
Thatwas the absolute wrong thing to say. Chad’s face contorts into anger, and he lashes out almost instantly.