His face twisted and he looked uncomfortable as he jerked his head, stretching his neck out from side-to-side. He tugged at his tie, straightening it while he uttered, “There’s a lot riding on today. Please, for the love of God, do not fuck this up for your sister.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,zio,” she muttered in return.
“We’re going to talk about this later. Don’t think-” Obviously he’d seen me, but I don’t think it hit him until a second pass over me, and when he stilled and took me in, he smiled but there was a hint of sadness to it. “Oh, sweetheart. You look beautiful.” Zio Como turned to Vincenza and said, “Doesn’t she look beautiful?”
“That she does,” she replied, strolling over to the bar, lifting a glass of bourbon to her lips, sipping on it.
Como’s smile deepened on me. “All eyes are gonna be on you, honey. I mean, come on. How could they look away?” I know he was trying to make me feel like any other bride on her wedding day, but we all knew this wasn’t like any other wedding.
My sister shot me a sly smile. “That’s the plan.” When she finished with a conspirital wink, my stomach turned in a way that made me think I was going to lose my lunch.
My heart rate spiked. I didn’t want to do this.
Then, he said the words I’d been dreading to hear. “It’s time.”
Time was of the essence and we all just stood there, looking to one another, until my sister moved to retrieve the stunning bouquet sitting on the bar. She brought it over and, for the first time since my freedom was bargained away, she looked at me with something loosely resembling regret.
Older than me by seven years, she had always been my protector.
Always, until today.
There was no protecting me from what was out there.
“Look,” she started. “You’re going to get overwhelmed up there. So, what I want you to do is,” she placed the bouquet into my lax grip, curling my fingers around it and said, “Think about papa.” Vincenza’s hands curled around my own and then, we were holding the flowers together as one. “I know this is hard. I just want to tell you that I am so proud of you and I love you very much.”
To the untrained ear, it was just one sibling being affectionate with the other. But I heard it for what it really was. A goodbye.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t think of a single way out of this situation. There was nowhere I could flee to that would keep me safe. They had the ability and resources to turn every stone on every corner of the planet until I was found. Escape was futile.
So, this was it.
My throat got tight. I tried to but couldn’t speak, so instead, I simply nodded.
With my sister by my side, we walked the long hall to the entrance of the church. The organ began to play soft church music and I watched as the cousins I asked to be bridesmaids made the long walk to the front of the church with my sister, who acted as my maid of honor, trailed closely behind. Once they stood opposite the three handsome men on the groom’s side, the organ stopped playing, the church turned silent and it was my turn.
Zio Como took great care in placing my veil over my face then he tucked my small hand into the crook of his elbow and patted it tenderly as we took our places front and center.
My heart stuttered when I spotted my husband-to-be waiting for me with his back turned.
The first notes of Pachelbel’sCanon in Dbegan to play and in uniform, pews creaked and material swished as the entire church turned to set their eyes on me. When my uncle began to move, I followed with my heart in my throat. I clutched at his arm tightly enough to injure. The closer we got to the altar, the stronger my urge to run was.
I shouldn’t have been looking, but the man set to marry me was tall. His frame was built, his hips were lean and the suit he wore was tailored to fit him well. His dark hair matched my own and when he finally turned to face me, I almost gasped out loud.
Having never seen the man until right this moment, my stomach fluttered and my heart danced off-kilter as I took him in from the privacy of my veil.
He was older than I assumed he would be and he looked about as exasperated as I was, but still, he stood dutifully, civilly, waiting for his bride. Waiting for me. His heavy brow lowered a touch when I advanced. His full lips pursed, only slightly. His strong jaw flexed and it was only because of how close I was that I saw his shoulders droop with the heavy sigh he released.
I stopped farther away than I should have. It took my uncles gentle coaxing to bring me forward. My husband-to-be took a single step towards me and I leant away from him.
It was funny because the expression on his face never changed, but I could tell. He was smiling at me.
Something happened to me then. A warmth I’d never felt before bloomed in my middle. My mouth dried. Without exaggeration, I could safely say here was the most handsome man I had ever laid eyes on. And my stomach dipped.
No.
It was wrong. This all felt wrong.
This isn’t how it was meant to be.