"I have worked with Gerri to make up for it. We have worked together to help the people that he wronged, but it never seems like enough. The damage has been done internally and externally." He looked up at her, reaching his hands out. "And I know I'm not perfect, and it's hard for me to open up to people, but I want to with you, Kate. I do, and I know that it will take time. But I know in the end that I will be able to be everything that you want."
She stared at him, taking his words in. She wanted to hold him close and take all his pain away, but she couldn't. There was nothing she could do to change the past, but she did want to let him know that she would never do anything like that.
As she was about to say something, the lights started to dim. She looked around and scowled. It was the worst timing.
"Oh my god, Kate. You missed the huge amount of food downstairs." Dana and Tasha came around the corner, each with popcorn. Tasha gave her a wicked grin. "And there was a cute guy downstairs that gave me his number. I love this place."
She gave them a soft smile as they snuck into their seats. She looked at Devlin, who had relaxed into his seat.
She soaked his words up and stared out at the stage, unsure of what to say. What could she say? She didn't know, but suddenly she felt that maybe they would be okay. Maybe, just maybe, after the show, things would start turning their way.
SEVENTEEN
KATE
The stage blazed with illumination as the lights went down over the audience, shrouding them in shadows. The shock of the colors and bright moving spotlights caught Kate’s eye, making her focus on the actors as they began the first scene. The music swelled, and as the people on stage began to sing, goosebumps trailed across her skin. She was moved by the melody as well as the emotion in the voices that rang through the great hall.
For a few moments, Kate didn’t think. She just let her senses wander and absorbed the first scenes of the show without really seeing it. The heavy thoughts in her mind took time to sink into her awareness, and it was causing her to rewrite a lot of what she thought she knew.
Devlin is insecure. Hurt. Unable to trust.
She had to repeat this in her mind several times before she could even begin to believe it. Kate had seen Devlin as an impenetrable marble statue. He’d seemed so confident as if he never doubted himself.
When they had begun to argue, she had wondered why someone so confident would be rocked by her withdrawal. But now, she knew it was because Devlin was carrying a terrible wound.
She glanced at him, and Devlin looked up at the exact same time. Through the shadows, she could clearly see the glint of his eyes. It felt like he had reached straight into her chest and caressed her heart with his need for her.
He’s never been truly vulnerable before.
The thought was a revelation. The last time he’d given his trust, he hadn’t just been screwed over himself. He’d hurt a lot of people. She understood exactly why he needed such high boundaries.
She blinked and looked away, finding the intensity to be too much. After looking at the floor for a few seconds, she let her eyes turn back to the stage.
The music was weaving through her soul, words, and chords that seemed to play against her thoughts, soothing her and opening her mind. Kate relaxed into the chair, letting her thoughts run free.
She’d been anxious that Devlin might reject her. She’d been even more afraid that he would never let her in, never let her get close. She couldn’t love a man who didn’t show himself to her.
You’re such a fucking liar.
She chuckled to herself. As if you could help who you love. Wouldn’t the world be a different place then … if you could switch those feelings on and off at will?
Because I do love him, and I know that. I’ve known it all along.
That was the true heart of her fear … that she would love, that she would give her all, and still never know him. That she’d be shut out by him completely, causing her horrible pain as she struggled to love him through the boundaries he put between himself and any kind of relationship.
I was just trying to keep myself safe by running away. I wanted to spare myself that pain. But maybe, it’s not real. Maybe, he can open up to me.
Kate glanced at Devlin, and he was looking at her. She reached out with one hand, and he took it in his own, trailing his fingertips across her palm before linking his fingers with hers.
There was gravity in that look, something that drew them together. The lights and the music below seemed to almost fade away as Kate’s focus narrowed to Devlin. He was all she could see.
He squeezed her hand and smiled, and Kate’s heart ached just a little. He looked shy, maybe even a little bashful. She squeezed his hand right back and leaned over a little to put her head on his shoulder.
They sat like that for a while, just enjoying being close to each other. The lights and sounds of the show below swirled by Kate’s vision as she drifted, lulled by Devlin’s closeness and the beat of his heart.
When he untangled his hand from hers and gently slid his fingers across her thigh, Kate sighed with pleasure and snuggled up to Devlin as close as the chair would let her.
I don’t think it’s proper etiquette to climb into his lap.