“It’s fine,” she said. “You know, if it’s going to be this difficult, you don’t have to go through with the dates. Why don’t you just write a big check to the charity and be done with it?”
Devlin looked up at her, and there was a deep flicker of fire in his hard eyes.
“Maybe, I’m hoping for more. There is a part of me desperately hoping that I am wrong. That you have a heart and some feeling that we are meant to be. I know I’m a fool for believing it, but I have to see these last two dates out just so I know how cruel you really are.”
The words hit Kate like fiery barbs. Instantly, her anger spiked, and she couldn’t hold herself back.
“There is nothing cruel about not wanting someone the same way they want you. It is what it is, and it’s not like I did it on purpose.”
“That might be true,” he muttered, looking away from her to focus on the track. “But it doesn’t feel that way. It feels awful.”
Kate looked at him, sensing the deep hurt inside him. Devlin’s eyes were full of sorrow, and his voice was rough with emotion. It was like seeing him for the first time.
“Devlin, I think that might be the first time you have actually opened up to me.”
“What?” he snapped, bringing his gaze back to hers.
“That’s the first time you’ve given me any insight into your heart.”
Devlin shook his head, confused. “I’ve told you over and over that we are fated mates.”
“No,” she protested. “That’s just about your shifter instincts. It has nothing to do with what’s inside your heart. You have never told me how you feel about anything or what you really think about us.”
Devlin stared at her, confusion breaking across his features. Kate felt like she had plowed heavily toward a mutual understanding only to capsize just before she reached it.
“I think that we are fated mates,” he whispered. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”
Kate felt so frustrated that she might cry. Just like the other night when he’d ordered her to leave, she could see the hurt in his face, hear it in his voice. But she was still just guessing as to what he was feeling and what he was thinking about.
“Tell me how you feel, what you really think about us,” she tried again. “I thought we were getting close, that you trusted me.”
“How can I trust you when you rejected me?” he snapped. She saw the wound she had inflicted, but maybe, it wasn’t genuine sorrow. Maybe it was petty rejection or a selfish need to control her.
I just can’t be sure. I never know what anyone is feeling…if they really want me, the real me. Why can’t he just explain himself?
“When you talk about yourself, it’s all superficial,” she said, her voice holding a resounding note of defeat. “I still feel like I don’t know you. Showering me with gifts and attention could have just been a show, not genuine affection. When I told you that you asked too much, you didn’t even consider my feelings in the situation before you reacted.”
Devlin took his eyes from her face and looked down at the cars screaming by on the track. Silence hung between them, heavy enough to cut with a knife. Kate felt like she was sinking into a cold, deep lake, where she’d be alone and unanchored for the rest of her life.
“Devlin?” she whispered. He didn’t look up.
“Maybe, you want something from me that just isn’t there.”
Cold horror ripped through her heart, sending shock waves of fear cascading through her body. It was her worst fears weaponized and pointed right at her soul, simple words that could destroy her peace of mind forever.
All this time, I’ve been waiting for him to show himself, eager to get to know him, and there has been nothing there except too much money and an arrogance that exceeds good sense.
“I’ve tried to show you who I am,” Devlin said, tearing his eyes from the track so he could look into her eyes. His gaze was cold, and she saw no depth there, not anymore. She’d been led to believe he had unexplored fathoms that waited for her to dive into. Now, she felt incredibly lucky she hadn’t jumped.
It would be like diving into a kiddie pool and breaking my fucking neck on the shallow floor!
“I’m just not enough for you,” Devlin said, shrugging. “That’s obvious now. To me, anyway.”
Kate felt blistering anger wrapping itself around her. She didn’t like his attitude about this at all. She was the one feeling abandoned and ignored … he hadn’t even apologized for upsetting her when he asked her to move in. He’d given her no time to think about it. He’d just kicked her out.
If he really loved me and believed in us, he would have happily given me more time. He’d be content to wait for me. This attitude just proves I was right not to trust him.
“You’re right,” she said, anger making her voice hard. “Both of us want something the other just can’t give.”