He rambles on for a little while about how human brains aren’t capable of comprehending huge populations as a cohesive unit and the good that can come from collaborating with like-minded peers before getting to the points I’m more interested in.
“Once we connect with people we consider our tribe, though, there’s frequently an impulse to view anyoneoutsidethat tribe with suspicion. At its worst, we see certain groups completely dehumanizing other people, thinking of them as if they aren’t even the same species—and treating them as if they don’t deserve the same kindness and respect. Slavery, genocide, and other atrocities can stem from that skewed perspective.”
My fingers tighten around my pen. Unwanted images trickle up from the back of my mind of the guardians’ demanding voices and harsh grasps. Always pushing us to perform for them and then shutting us in a cage when they didn’t have a current use for us.
Because we were different from them. Strange. Freaks.
But theymadeus that way.
Anger stirs in my gut with a pinching sensation that brings me back to other memories. The fighting ring. The boss’s smirk.
All those twisted bodies.
I close my eyes for a second and swallow down the uncomfortable emotions that’ve started to rise up. Then I forge my voice into an arch but light-hearted tone. “Sounds awfully familiar, doesn’t it? Maybe the guardians should have taken this class.”
Zian doesn’t answer me, but the corners of his lips curve upward with a hint of amusement.
The tiny victory gives me a surge of exhilaration, washing away the last traces of my uneasiness. I press my advantage.
“But then, maybetheyweren’t really human. With that metal getup, they could have been secret robots for all we know.”
Zian shakes his head at the absurd suggestion, but his smile grows.
“They definitely treated us like they didn’t have any concept of humanity,” I go on. “Like we were circus animals for their entertainment.”
I pause and reach toward his arm to try to solidify the connection we do share, whether the guys have been willing to admit it or not. “And I don’t know if they’ll ever let us go, not—”
My fingertips graze Zian’s smooth skin just above his wrist. In the very first instant, a jolt of warmth flows up my arm, catching hold of my heart and tugging me closer.
The very next instant, Zian is wrenching away from me, jerking around in his seat with a flash of bared teeth. A whiff of pheromones gusts off him that’s stress and also something like… fear?
“Don’t touch me,” he snarls, low but so fierce several heads around us swivel our way.
I plaster a mild expression on my face and lean back over my notebook, pretending nothing’s wrong for the benefit of our audience. Underneath, my insides are a shaky jumble.
Does he really hate me that much? What would he beafraidof?
I don’t understand any of this.
It isn’t fucking fair.
But nothing in our lives has ever been fair, has it?
From beneath my pained bewilderment, a surge of unnervingly volatile frustration rises up. It sends a prickling vibration through my lungs that chills me to the bone.
No. I don’t want to feel that way. I don’t want to feelanythingthat could lead me back to the horror show in the arena.
So I blank my mind and go through the motions of attentively scrawling out notes until the projection screen goes dark and the students stand up from their seats.
Oh. It’s over.
I shake myself out of the sort-of trance I’d fallen into and get to my feet alongside the others. As we tramp out of the lecture hall, Zian doesn’t speak to me, doesn’t even look at me.
What would he do if I veered off in a different direction like I was going to explore the campus on my own instead of heading back to the townhouse like a good little girl?
After hearing the hatred ringing through his voice over a much smaller transgression, I’m not sure I’d want to find out.
I’m supposed to be showing I’m still a full, loyal member of our “tribe.” That I’m willing to play along because it matters so much to me to re-earn the guys’ trust. It’d be stupid to jeopardize that out of some momentary pique anyway.