“You can go home,” I grumbled from the bed, making her snort.
“I want to keep my eyes on you. You’re grounded for life.”
“I’ll move out,” I sassed, not surprised by her answer.
“I’ll fucking follow you,” she grunted, her face falling slightly. “Am I that much of a bad mom? Marla hates me so much that she’s cutting herself off from us, everyone keeps moving out, Ry’s in fucking rehab, and now you’re trying to kill yourself on the road.”
“You know the rush you get when you’re in a shootout?” I murmured, holding her gaze. “The power you feel with the hint of fear? That’s what I feel behind the wheel. The track doesn’t bring the adrenaline rush I crave, but the streets? It’s the best rush of my life. Beckett likes to race on the track and fight, Marla likes to read, Ry likes to party, and the others are all out doing their own thing. I don’t want to die, and it’s really hard to explain to someone who doesn’t get a kick out of it.”
“You should’ve called me the moment Ander told you Luna had been taken. We would’ve shown up and gotten her back without you having to race,” she said with frustration. “You were the one kid who always came to me when you were in trouble. What changed?”
I looked down at my hands, toying with them on my lap. “Lloyd died. No one’s been the same since.”
She seemed to think about it before getting to her feet, and moving to sit on the edge of my bed. “I know I pulled back from you kids when he died, and I’m sorry for that. I had no idea how to process it myself, let alone help you through it.”
“It wasn’t that,” I said softly, reaching out to take her hand. “I’m an adult now. I needed to learn to figure out my own problems, and you needed to grieve him without worrying about us. We don’t like to bother you.”
“Baby, nothing you kids need help with will ever be a bother to me,” she promised, sincerity in her gaze.
“We know you tried to act as strong as possible when he died,” I whispered, my voice cracking with emotion. “But we’d hear you crying when you thought you were alone. If you didn’t have to worry about our grief, you could focus on yours. You might be a mom, but you’re also your own woman too. We’re adults, and we understand that.”
“I miss him so much,” she choked out, squeezing my hand as devastation washed over her. “I might not have birthed him, but he made me a mother. He grew into the most caring, sweetest man.”
“I miss him too. I’m sorry for scaring you,” I mumbled. “And for breaking your trust. I just loved the rush of danger, and it became a part of me. Has Dad already wrecked the Corvette?”
She sighed, letting my hand go to rake her fingers through her hair. “We’re not going to destroy your car.” She looked tired, as if I’d made her admit defeat. I wished she’d go home and rest, but every time one of my dads showed up to take her, she shooed them away again.
I sat up straighter despite my muscles screaming at me. “You’re not? But I fucked up.”
“I think you learned your lesson, don’t you?” She chuckled dryly. “And you’re Supra’s burned to a crisp already. I need you to promise me you won’t race again unless it’s on the track.”
“You’ll believe me?” I asked with surprise, her expression hardening.
“This is your second chance. You don’t get another one after this, okay?” Her eyes bounced between mine as she waited for an answer. Turbo wouldn’t run another race now even if he didn’t get thrown in prison, not after almost losing both Reid and I, and I had no intention of racing with anyone else.
“I won’t race again. Turbo was finishing up anyway, and I don’t want to go through anyone else. I’ll just have to convince Beckett not to kill him so he can race me on the track instead.”
She studied me, her lips set in a firm line that she rarely threw my way.
“I don’t want you associating with him anymore.”
“If you forbid our friendship, my agreement will only be a lie,” I answered honestly. “He’s one of my best friends, and he’s had my back a lot. I need your word that he won’t get hurt. It wasn’t his fault. I know Beckett had plans for him that you most likely approved of.”
“Are you caught up in his other business deals?” she asked lightly, her eyes not leaving mine. “I want the truth since I’m pretty sure you’ve been stringing me along with a lot of lies lately, and I can’t promise you shit about his safety. Yes, Beckett and Maddox were doing Psychos’ business at the track that night.” It hurt to know she’d gone behind my back like that, but I let it slide. That wasn’t what was important right now, making sure she didn’t try again was my priority. If she got to know him, she’d probably like him.
I blew out a breath, keeping my voice low. “You know the night in Crestford? Where the Supra got shot at and Zavier was with me?” She nodded, waiting for me to continue. “Turbo had asked me and Reid to help him move some crystal. Reid refused, but the rush was too tempting for me. I agreed, and Zavier found out and refused to let me go alone. The rest was true, those Crestford brats chased us down because they’d been told to tail anything connected to Turbo, but the burning cars were Turbo’s work, not theirs. There’s been no other times I’ve done runs with him though, because if I wanted to do that shit for a living I’d just join the crews.”
“Are the races how you know Blake?”
I winced, knowing she’d give Blake a talking-to. “Yeah. We’ve all been racing together for a few years now. We’ve all become really good friends lately, except Slick who’s always been a problem.”
“Is he the guy who Stone and Cruz had to help deal with in Rawson that time at the gas station?” she asked flatly, waiting for me to nod before she let out a sound of annoyance. “I’m so pissed he’s dead and I can’t tear him apart myself. I can’t believe so many people knew about you being involved with the races, but no one said anything. I thought they were loyal to Beckett.”
“If they had to choose her or me, they’d choose her.” I shrugged, ignoring the jealousy that spiked inside of me. “They just stay out of personal drama. If Stone had been asked directly, he wouldn’t have lied. He doesn’t like me.”
Mom laughed, amusement filling her blue eyes that matched mine. “You honestly think that? If Stone didn’t like you, he would’ve ratted you out real fast, and Cruz has been hanging around reception with Logan most of the night too.”
“Beckett hates me,” I grumbled, but Mom gave me a reassuring smile.