Chapter 1 - Make it Big
Liam's persona made his living— a really good living, at that. Eight out of ten people recognized his face. Promotional posters featured him across tall buildings, all over the world. Movie trailers centered him as the hero, and his characters never failed to meet his brand of action and emotion, CGI optional. The lead actress always wanted him, and so did millions of fans across the world. Yet none of it would help him now.
His therapist arched her thin eyebrow at him, her eyes focused and bright on his face. It meant trouble; she'd heard something of note and would call him out on it. He closed his eyes to block her out for just one more second. A futile effort, and the only option he had.
"What did I say?" He went back on his words, but didn't find anything particularly incriminating. He'd said it all before.
I'm the vehicle of people's income and I end up as currency.
Dr. Linda's gesture didn't waver. "It's not what you said, but how you said it."
He reviewed his statement again, focusing on his tone.
"Oh." He scratched his eyebrow before he let his hand fall in his lap, listless.
"You're still bitter, Liam."
He sighed. "I guess I am. Can you blame me?"
"Of course not. You've worked hard to get here, to understand yourself… but your life still doesn't reflect those changes. And I think— tell me if I'm wrong— I think that you're exhausted by it all, in your soul."
His stomach dropped at Dr. Linda's words, despite the comfort of her understanding. Emptiness filled his chest now; a concave, vacant space.
"Bitterness, though…" she adjusted her glasses, her focus completely on him. "There's a certain hopelessness to it, isn't there? Powerlessness."
Liam opened his mouth to reply, to defend against something. He didn't even know what, really, but she lifted her hand to stop him.
"Don't just jump to talk back. Check in with how you feel, remember?"
He closed his mouth in a snap and pressed his lips together, as if to stop the words from escaping him. He brought his attention inwards; the heavy mass of a black hole still occupied his chest.
"That's right," Dr. Linda said. "What do you notice?"
"I'm empty. Drained. Heavy."
She nodded. Her eyes softened on him. He liked the constant reassurances that she offered, like saying,I see you. You're doing well.
"Yes. It's so tough, isn't it?" she asked.
"Yes. I'm… done. I need a change. I can't keep going like this."
"Perfect. That's right. Change is good. Let that fuel you to say no to them, Liam."
But his lips pressed together again, trapping hisnoinside with all the other words once more.
***
Of the thousand times Ana had to spell her name in her life, not once had she done it with trepidation swirling in her stomach. Nerves and hope lodged in her throat, and she struggled to speak with a clear voice into the phone.
"A - n - a. L - i - r - a," she dictated. Ana had just received her contract to finalize details with Diana, her brand new agent, and Diana's assistant, Tiwa, had called to go over the final edits.
"Onenonly, is that correct?" Tiwa asked.
Her question didn't alter Ana's feelings. Having a non-classical English name meant many things in this country, including a lifetime of spelling it out to people. It could be worse; had Ana been born in Ecuador like her parents, her full name would be Ana María Lira Gutiérrez. Not only would that triple the time she spent dictating her name, but she'd be forced to explain over and over again that, yes, she had two last names.
Having to confirm her first name had only one consonant seemed like a small problem, comparatively. "Yes, just the onen."
"All right, Ms. Lira. Everything seems to be in order. Diana is very excited to be signing you on."