Garrett and Adrian offer encouraging words, too, and then I’m alone, with nothing left to do but get started.
34
Autumn
I’m grateful for this amazing opportunity, and I’m ready to share the music I love with other people. A reminder of my motivations helps me to fight the impulse to run out of Rusty’s and never come back.
Once I get settled and ready to go, I strum a few notes and then introduce myself to the crowd, making sure that they can all hear me okay. As soon as words leave my mouth, I’d be hard pressed to recall what I just said. Maybe this is what an out-of-body experience is like.
I refer to my set list and begin my first song, internally breathing a sigh of relief when I go into autopilot mode and find myself playing the chords and singing the words. It doesn’t feel like I’m the one actually doing it, but soon the song is over and there’s a fair amount of applause, though I get the impression people are just being polite.
Plenty of people go on talking and drinking as I play. I’m not here to command attention, after all; I’m meant to provide ambience, and the thought of that helps me relax to a small degree.
Then I remember Duke’s joke about Trevor, and decide to picture the four men — who are at a table together not far from the stage watching me closely — naked, and I relax even more. Not quite the way that mind trick is designed to go, but it works anyway.
My second song gets an even better reception than the first, and after that, the out-of-body feeling goes away, and I actually start to enjoy what I’m doing. It’s exhilarating when the crowd responds. People are tapping their feet, swaying in their seats, and one couple even gets up to dance!
I’m surprisingly comfortable with the new guitar after such a short time, which feels like a metaphor for how comfortable I am with Trevor, Adrian, and Duke, even though I’ve barely just met them. Things with Garrett are suddenly new and different, too, and I’m ready to embrace the changes, even though I know more changes are on the way that make today’s joy a fleeting experience.
As I continue to play, my nerves finally give way to a nearly-mellow ease. I look toward the men’s table, ready to give them smiles, but my voice catches when I spot two women talking to them — Kelly and Lindsey. My former roommates are not sitting, but standing, and so is Duke, who’s the one doing the talking. Afraid of getting thrown off course, I avert my eyes and focus on finishing the song I’m playing. Before I start the next one, I risk a look back at the table. Now, it’s just Adrian and Trevor sitting there, no sight of the others. Trevor shoots me a thumbs-up accompanied by a huge smile, and I manage a meager grin in return.
Why are Kelly and Lindsey here, and where did they go? Did Lindsey come to cause more trouble? I’m reassured by the presumption that Duke is with them. Maybe he told Lindsey to leave, taking on his bouncer role even though he doesn’t work here.
A glance at my watch tells me I have a few more songs to go until I take a break. I get through them, though I’m not as focused as I should be, and I hope it’s not obvious to everyone who’s listening.
There’s more applause when I thank the crowd and tell them I’ll be back shortly, and I’m filled with the strangest combination of a warm glow and cold dread.
Barrett Stone approaches as I’m pulling my guitar strap over my head. “That was great, Autumn! Everyone’s loving the music.”
“Really? That’s good.”
“Absolutely. Before you leave later, come talk to me about future dates.”
Future dates! More performances! My heart is pounding with both excitement and fear as Barrett walks off and I look around the room for signs of Lindsey or Duke.
Trevor and Adrian appear, also full of excited compliments. “Do you want something to drink?” Trevor asks after listing his favorites from the songs I played.
“Where are Duke and Garrett, and what’s Lindsey doing here?”
“You don’t need to worry about Lindsey,” Trevor says.
“Is she still here?”
“I don’t know. We can look.” He turns toward the bar’s front entrance, and Adrian and I follow him, Adrian taking my hand as we navigate through the crowd.
“Over there!” I tap Trevor’s shoulder with my free hand and gesture to the end of the bar, where Duke is in conversation with Lindsey and Garrett is scanning the room. When he spots me, he heads straight toward us.
As soon as we reach each other, I say, “What’s she doing here?”
Garrett looks over his shoulder, then back at me. “Kelly brought her here. I don’t know why Lindsey came, but I think Kelly brought her so that you could talk to her. We got to her first, though.” He looks fairly triumphant.
“And what’s going on? What’s she saying?”
“You don’t need to talk to her now,” Garrett says. “You’re just on a break, aren’t you? Don’t let her mess up your night. Duke and I have it handled.”
“I can talk to her.”
Adrian, who’s still holding my hand, gives it a squeeze. “We’ve got your back.”