When she’s gone, I slam the door shut. Once I hear the elevator whisk her away, I leave too. As I hit the button to call the next one, my next-door neighbor leaves her home. “Hold the elevator, handsome,” the blue-haired lady calls out as she shuts her door.
“Anything for you, Myrtle,” I say with a grin, then comply once the elevator arrives, hitting the hold button.
When she joins me a few seconds later, Myrtle tuts, shaking her head. “You’re better off without the ex. She was nothing but trouble.”
Thanks again, Brittany, for broadcasting my kink to the whole building.
“Thanks,” I say. “It’s good to be single again.”
When we reach the lobby, Myrtle pats my arm. “And there’s nothing wrong with a spanking. That’s what I usually order onWhipper.In fact, I’m off to see a playmate right now.”
Whoa. She usesthatapp? “Um, have fun,” I say in a strangled voice.
She winks. “I always do.”
I wish the last several months of my life had been fun, but I wasted them on someone who didn’t even get me.
I swear I will never date a good girl again.
* * *
The guys are meeting up at my favorite haunt in Venice Beach, a local dive bar called The Happiest Hours right off the main drag, for my Free At Last poker party.
Drew and Axel—one’s my quarterback, the other’s his cousin—are at the table, and my buddy Milo is in town with his girlfriend, so he’s here too. Drew said we need to celebrate my being single again. Far be it for me to turn down a chance to take their money.
Besides, “free at last” is right. Several months with Brittany felt like a lifetime. I frown at the cards in my hand. Does that make me forty-six? Ouch. I’ll definitely be out of the NFL then. Don’t want to go there any sooner than I have to.
Axel shoves a ten dollar chip into the pile on the felt and offers an opinion for free. “I’m just going to be blunt. I never trusted Brittany anyway.”
I look up from my cards, surprised. “Really? Why not? Did you catch her, I dunno, scrolling through Tinder some night while we were all out?”
Across the table, Axel stares at me and scoffs, “Seriously?”
Drew snorts. “Seconded. Get the fuck out, Gabe.”
Milo gazes soberly over the top of his black glasses. “Dude, we would have told you if she’d done that. Keeping that kind of thing to yourself is grounds for expulsion from the dude club.”
“True words,” Axel confirms. “A lifetime ban.”
“Good to know,” I say, but I’m much more interested in what my buddy saw in my ex. We had a good vibe at first, which is why I was able to look past our sexual incompatibility. We had fun together, going to basketball games in the off-season. She seemed like the perfect sports girlfriend, and I did enjoy the hell out of trash-talking other teams from the stands with her.
Everything seemed good.
Until she started asking me questions about other women. Like, about the barista at the coffee shop we went to.She keeps looking at you, Gabe,she’d say.Did you lead her on the last time you were here?Um, no.Then, when we were out one night at a bar, my ex asked point blank if I was sleeping with the bartender who’d just batted her lashes at me.
The answer washell fucking no.
“All right,” I say to Axel. “What red flag did I miss?”
He deals me a hard, stern look—sort of his regular look but kicked up a notch. “When we all went to the Jane Black concert, she said irregardless. ‘Irregardless of what you heard,Jane has a new song she’s debuting tonight.’And—news flash—irregardless is not a word.”
Drew cracks up, smacking the edge of the table. “Called it. I knew theirregardlesswould come back around and grind Axel’s gears,” he says, then wiggles his fingers toward Milo. “Pay up.”
Milo sighs, aggrieved, then forks over a ten dollar chip. Drew uses it to add to the pot on the table.
I laugh, a little incredulous. “You assholes bet on whether Axel would mention that my ex used a word that didn’t exist?”
Drew shrugs likeyeah, so, then nods toward my playing cards. “What have you got? You in?”