“Oh my God! I thought I would never get you alone.” I started unbuttoning his shirt as I slowly walked him backwards towards my bed.
He reached up to cradle my face, and I leaned into his kiss. He devoured me, and I pulled his shirt out from the waist of his pants. I ran my palms up his chest, under his shirt and continued to kiss him until he fell onto my bed.
Scooting himself back, he pulled me up and onto him. I leaned down to kiss him, our tongues intertwining, our heads tilting to get closer to each other. He gripped my hips, and I pushed down onto him, feeling his hardness, and knew I was already ready for him.
“Cole. I’ve missed you so much. Please make love to me.” I was reaching for his belt buckle when he gripped both my wrists.
“Mia, wait.”
“Wait? For what? Oh, you don’t have a condom?” I jumped up off him and headed towards the bathroom, grinning seductively over my shoulder at him, as I sauntered away. “I think there are some in here.”
“Mia, no, that’s not it.”
His tone was sad, and resigned, and I stopped in my tracks. Turning to him, I crossed my arms in front of me. A chill passed over me and I frowned. “Then what is it?”
He was sitting on the edge of my bed, looking rumpled. He pulled one knee up and rested it on the mattress and patted the spot next to him. “Come here.”
“I’ll stand.”
Letting out a heavy sigh, he said, “I want you to move to San Francisco.”
Uncrossing my arms, I went to him. “Christ! That’s it? You had me worried.” I reached up to palm his cheek. “But I can’t right now, I’m getting ready to go to Northern Europe. I have a race circuit coming up and some promotions I’m committed to.”
He pulled my hand off his face and held it. “That’s just the thing Mia, you are always running off somewhere. I miss you.” He looked me in the eyes and said more emphatically, “I love you!”
My eyes started to water. “Then why does this feel like goodbye?”
“Mia, I love you! I have loved you since the first day of camp when you used the paint as toenail polish. I want to be with you, but I’m tired of being without you.”
“But I can come back more often….”
He cut me off. “We’ve been doing this for two years now. You always say that.”
I stopped my crying and felt my heart freeze. “Then what are you saying?”
He held both my hands in his and pleaded with me. “Come to San Francisco. Move in with me. Let’s plan a wedding.”
In what felt like slow motion, I pulled my hands from his and rested them in my lap. “And stop racing.” It wasn’t a question but his silence gave me my answer.
I lowered my head. “Please don’t make me choose, Cole. Please don’t do that to me.”
Raising my eyes to him, I saw he was on the verge of tears. I choked on a cry and tried to speak past the lump that was forming. “I can’t…I can’t do that.”
Rising from my bed, he started buttoning his shirt and tucked it back in his pants.
His silence was angering me. “That’s it?”
“I’ve said all I can say, Mia. You won’t stop, and I need to move on.”
“And you’re just going to walk away?”
He stood quietly, peacefully, and said in a controlled voice. “I love you! I will always love you. But I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be second. I’ll say goodbye to your parents and let myself out. I’ll tell them you were tired.”
I picked up a pillow, threw it across the room at him, and shouted, “You’re a coward! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!”
He picked the pillow up off the floor and placed it cautiously back on the end of my bed. “I’m so sorry, Mia.”
I heard him choke and I started to cry. I threw myself on my bed and shouted into the pillow. “Get out!”