The next few weeks flew by in a combination of anxiety and hope. The snow was still high in the meadows and falling frequently. But the hours of daylight were getting longer and I could spend more time outside. It was still dark when I went to work, but not when I left. And that made me happy.
My sister’s engagement party was on the Friday night of Valentine’s weekend. I made my plane reservations to fly in Friday morning and leave on Sunday. It was never easy getting out of Anchorage. I had to fly out on Thursday night in order to get to Colorado on time.
On the day of my flight, Thomas drove me to the airport.
Heat blasted from the vents of his early model Ford Bronco. “I feel kind of dumb for not knowing you had a sister. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I shrugged and stared at his profile while he watched the road. “I don’t know. I guess it just never came up.”
His tone was soft when he said, “Liz, I know you must know that…”
I cut him off. “Please, Thomas. I need you as a friend. Please don’t say anything.”
He clenched his jaw.
He’d come over on Christmas night after the orphan dinner. I’d had one glass too many of the highly spiked eggnog, and was feeling a little too uninhibited. And I’d been lonely. I’d flirted with him and he’d flirted back. When he’d kissed me, I’d wanted to feel something, anything. I’d wanted to erase the mind-blowing, all-consuming kisses that Brett and I had shared. It hadn’t worked.
I asked Thomas to leave before we went too far.
“Have you ever thought of me as something more?”
He had been a solid friend and partner on the patrol. As the patrol director, he was always accommodating my schedule at the hospital. And in return, I tried to help out when junior patrollers needed time off. I would be a liar if I said I didn’t know. I had just chosen to not acknowledge his feelings. Because of moments just like this one. I didn’t want to hurt him. I also didn’t want to lose him as a friend, which I knew was unfair to him.
I turned a little more in my seat. “I do like you. You are the best friend I have in this town.” I sighed, searching for the right words. “But I’m a little bit broken and I… I don’t even know what my future looks like.”
He jumped on my last statement. “Here. Stay here. Build a life here.”
Part of me felt angry. I didn’t want to be pushed or confronted about my choices. I took a deep breath. “Thomas, please, can we not talk about this right now? I have a very long flight, and what will most likely be a very long weekend. Please. Let’s talk when I get back.”
We drove the rest of the way in uncomfortable silence. The vibe in the truck had calmed a little by the time we reached the airport, making it easier to hug him good-bye. “Do you need a lift back on Sunday?”
“No, I’ll get an Uber.”
He put his hands in his pockets, hunching his fleece-lined jean jacket up towards his ears.
I put my purse on top of my carry-on. “Thomas.”
He tilted his head to the left. “It’s okay, Liz. You don’t owe me any explanation. We can talk when you get back.”
I nodded solemnly, turned, and walked through the sliding glass doors into the airport.
The flight to Seattle was a little bumpy, but nothing that bothered me. I tried to catch up on reading medical journals, but my mind wandered to Brett. The Kraken had been doing really well. And Brett didn’t seem to be affected by his knee injury or the concussion.
I searched the news for any other stories of him. I searched for his Instagram account. It was easy enough to find through the Kraken team page. There was a post of him, John, Mia, Mia’s brother, and a pretty brunette taken at Christmas time. They were under the antler arches in Jackson, Wyoming. The brunette was sticking out her tongue at the camera. The caption? “That feeling when your squad is your fam #squam.” Clever.
Mia seemed fun. Brett was on the end next to his brother. His smile didn’t reach his eyes. A pang of guilt hit me.
After changing planes in Seattle, I decided to try and get some sleep. It was almost two in the morning and my eyes were getting bleary. When we landed in Denver, the sun was bright on the Eastern horizon, the mountain peaks were still covered in snow, and I was disoriented.
After disembarking the plane, I cleaned up in the lady’s room. I brushed my hair and my teeth. I washed my face and put on moisturizer with sunscreen.
My phone pinged with a message from my youngest sister.I’ll be there in ten minutesWhich I knew actually meant, “I’ve just left the house.”
With a leisurely pace, I walked through the terminals instead of taking the tram, wanting to stretch my legs.
I waited inside the terminal until she texted me that she was outside. I put on my jacket, stepped outside, and immediately saw her smiling face through the front window of my old Lexus SUV.
She jumped out of the car, came to me and started to cry. “Elizabeth. You’re actually here.”