But if she were of his class... what they’d just done would ensure that he had to marry her. If he were any sort of gentleman at all.
He groaned inwardly. If she had been a virgin, he’d just ruined her. And if she wasn’t... Well, there was no reason to think that she wasn’t. She’d been eager but awkward, obviously unschooled in the ways of lovemaking.
A shiver ran through him at the memory of how sweet and warm she’d been. Never had making love to a woman given him such a sense of... homecoming? For a moment there, he would have killed to spend the rest of his life with her.
“Are you cold?” she asked softly, her voice so rough he wondered if she was crying.
“No,” he murmured, hugging her tighter and trying to stop his brain from overanalyzing this too much. They were in a dire situation with no promise of tomorrow. Joining together for a little companionship and pleasure was perfectly natural. Who wanted to spend what might be the last night of their lives alone? “I was just remembering what it felt like to be inside you.”
She gave a nervous laugh but burrowed a little closer to him. “I thought it was wonderful. I never dreamed it could be like that.”
“Nor did I,” he murmured truthfully.
“I wish this moment could last forever,” she breathed, her warm breath stirring the hair on his chest. “I’m so afraid of what tomorrow might bring, but lying here with you... I feel utterly safe. Maybe for the first time in my life.”
Her words humbled and thrilled him. He didn’t think any woman had ever felt this way about him. He’d never been the sort of man who engendered strong feelings in the opposite sex. Desire, yes. But the women he slept with rarely lingered in his bed. He was too serious, too taciturn and committed to his work to be the good-time lover they were looking for.
Pressing his lips tenderly against her brow, he tried to put into words what he was feeling. “I meant it when I said I’d never abandon you, Heather. What we’ve found together... I’ve never felt anything like it before.”
She snuggled a little closer, her body fitting with his as though they were puzzle pieces. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” she whispered. “Don’t say things you’ll regret later. Just hold me for a while. Right now, I just need you to keep tomorrow at bay for a little longer.”
It stung him a bit, that she didn’t believe him, but he supposed he couldn’t blame her, and he didn’t want to argue the point right now. So he just hugged her tighter, his mind drifting to all the things that these bastards might rob them of. And for the first time, he found himself hoping that his seed would take root. He wanted to be a father, he realized. Before, he’d always seen a family as a duty, an anchor, but now he could imagine a little boy with Heather’s eyes.
“Tell me a little more about yourself,” she said quietly, when the silence in the room became nearly crushing. “I feel as though I’ve told you nearly everything about myself, but I know very little about you.”
He gave a humorless laugh. “I rarely talk about myself. I suppose I assume most people don’t really want to know. And as I’ve told you before, I can’t abide small talk.”
She pressed her lips against his chest, and he could feel her smile. “I really want to know, Drake. I want to know everything about you.”
This sort of intimacy was far more difficult for him than sex could ever be. He’d been hiding so much of himself for so long, he wasn’t even sure where to begin.
“My father is the Marquess of Stonebridge,” he began slowly. “I have fond memories of my early childhood, but when I was seven, my mother died in childbirth. The child—a girl—didn’t make it either. My father didn’t take it well. I remember the roar of pain he gave when he heard... it sounded like a dying animal.”
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “He must have loved her very much.”
“I suppose he must have,” he agreed, though there had been plenty of times in the past when he’d doubted that his father was capable of loving anything. “But after she died, he abandoned the three of us... my older sister Amelia, Mortimer, and myself... at our country estate to be raised by an assortment of nannies and maids, and he returned to London. I’ve heard that he tried to drink his grief away, that he gambled excessively and took mistresses, anything to try and stop the pain.”
He paused, thinking of those dark lonely days. Amelia had tried to fill his mother’s shoes, but she’d just been a child of eleven herself. He’d always felt that Mortimer should have shown him some attention, but his older brother had probably been broken even then. His cruel streak had grown with no one there to keep it in check.
“It was years before my father returned or took any interest in us whatsoever,” he said at last. “But when he did, he immediately sent Amelia away to live with our aunt. He had no use for a girl, you see. Or perhaps she reminded him too much of Mother by then. All he seemed to care about was training Mortimer for the title.”
She ran her hand soothingly over his chest. “You must have been so lonely.”
He swallowed. “Yes. My only friend was my dog, Milo. The two of us roamed the estate like wild animals, having adventures and getting into trouble.” A stabbing pain hit his heart when he mentioned Milo. He hadn’t thought about that sweet boy in years. When the old dog had died, he truly had felt all alone.
“Are you close to your father or sister now?” she asked softly.
“I see Amelia quite often. She’s married to the younger son of a duke and has two young boys. But my father spends most of his time at Stonebridge Manor in Sussex so I rarely see him,” he admitted. “He doesn’t want to see me though. He thinks I’m an embarrassment for having chosen to work for a living. He’s in poor health, hardly ever leaves Stonebridge. I try to make it down there every six months or so, but he barely acknowledges me. All his hopes lie with Mortimer.”
The thought of what he had to do, the necessary crushing of all his father’s dreams, weighed heavily on him. But he could not let Mortimer take the marquessate. Not after what he’d done. Of course, that meant taking it on himself eventually, something he had no desire whatsoever to do.
“Your sister sounds nice,” she said softly, obviously looking for something positive in the tragic tale he’d told her.
“She is. You’d like her.” But would Amelia like Heather? Would she even consent to having a lady’s maid in her drawing room? He’d like to think so, but he really didn’t know.
Silence fell between them once again, and he realized that he’d probably never talked that much about himself in a single setting before. Surprisingly, he hadn’t minded. It had actually felt good to talk about his past with someone he cared about.
He hugged her one more time before giving a reluctant sigh. “I’d love to stay here with you in my arms all night. But I can’t very well keep you safe when I’m lying here naked. Though I doubt they’ll return before tomorrow, I need to be ready in case they do. I want to be able to protect you.”