His lips quirked in a smile. “Well, if we keep that from happening, if I pull out at the last minute, you should be fine.” He held her gaze. “But it’s not completely effective. It’s all right if you don’t want to take that risk. I won’t be angry. There are other things we can do... Other pleasures we can explore.”
She gulped, both fascinated and terrified by the thought of what those pleasures he spoke of might be.
He hugged her tighter. “You don’t have to decide anything this moment. Let’s just sit here and enjoy each other’s company for a while, shall we?”
She nodded jerkily. “Yes, let’s do that.”
For a long moment, they sat silently side by side as the fire crackled merrily in front of them. Some of the chill that had sunk into her bones on the way over gradually began to dissipate, and she relaxed into him, so grateful for his patience and understanding.
She’d never had a friend like him. Someone who made her feel both safe and excited. Cared for yet desired. Though she’d only known him a short time, she was already having trouble imagining her life without him.
“How are you doing?” he asked her quietly after a long time. “Do you want to talk about it... about your sister?”
“I have been doing better the last few days,” she told him, surprised to realize it was true. “I’m still sad... I still miss her every day... But the bottomless grief is dissipating. What I mostly feel now is anger. I’m absolutely furious at the thought that someone took her from me. Even more so that it might be someone I know and trust.”
“I’m angry, too,” he replied, his blue eyes burning into hers. “I’m angry that this monster is taking these women, one at a time, right beneath my nose, and so far I’ve been unable to stop him.”
She supposed that would be a very heavy burden to bear. But she didn’t put any of the blame on him. How could he have ever guessed that The Viper would so quickly move on from Bethnal Green prostitutes to a refined lady of the ton?
Suddenly remembering that she’d brought Evelyn’s diary, she pulled it out of her coat pocket and handed it to him. “I hope this will help. I wanted to look through it myself, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do so. Reading her words was like hearing her voice in my head. It was just too hard.” Her throat thickened, and she swallowed painfully.
Sebastian took the small, leatherbound book from her almost reverently. “Thank you. Hopefully, there’s something in here that can help us.”
“I’d like it back when you’re done with it,” she said unnecessarily. “Perhaps in time, I’ll have the strength to read it.”
He squeezed her hand. “I’m certain of it. You are stronger than you know, Jocelyn.”
Once again, she wondered at her daring in coming here. She’d been the sensible, responsible one her entire life. She’d always followed the rules, even when they didn’t make sense to her.
And where had it gotten her?
An empty, lonely life with only her son, sister, and one friend to comfort her.
But Evelyn’s death had taught her that time was not guaranteed. If she didn’t live for today, there was no guarantee that she’d still be here tomorrow. If she didn’t explore the passion between them tonight, there was no guarantee that she would ever have this opportunity again.
“You’ve awakened something in me I never dreamed I could feel,” she whispered. “I think I’m ready now to begin to explore it. But I need you to teach me. I’m woefully ignorant about what truly happens between a man and woman.”
He caught his breath, his eyes flaring with desire. “I would love to be your teacher. But first, I just need to be certain that you want this as much as I do. That you’re not just doing this out of fear and loneliness.”
She shook her head, allowing a small, helpless laugh. “I don’t know, Sebastian. I really don’t know. I never would have thought of doing this just a few weeks ago. But I’m here now, and no matter what my reasons are, I want to be. I want you.”
“I want you, too,” he replied, right before his lips captured hers.
She melted against him, glad that he seemed to be done asking questions. She didn’t want to talk about any of it anymore. She just wanted to feel.
He didn’t disappoint. Within seconds, the passion that always simmered between them had ignited into a bonfire of need and exploration. She’d never known a kiss could be so all-consuming.
Finally, he broke away, gasping. “I want to see you,” he breathed. “This time, I want to be able to take my time, explore your lovely body from head to toes.”
The thought of being naked in front of him, of baring herself completely to his touch and gaze, was terrifying. What if he didn’t like what he saw?
“I’ve had a baby,” she managed to get out. “My body is probably not what you’re used to.”
“Oh, Jocelyn...” He pressed a hot kiss to her throat. “I could never be displeased by anything about you. You’re beautiful, inside and out.”
Warmed by his words, she summoned every ounce of courage she possessed and pushed to her feet. If he wasn’t bothered by a little extra padding and some stretch marks, why should she be? Those things had been the price of her son, and she’d gladly pay it again.
He stood as well, moving her hair aside to get to the tiny buttons that ran down her back. “You have the most gorgeous hair,” he said, his breath hot against the back of her neck as he worked. “I’ve thought so since the first time I saw you.”