Chapter Fifteen
Jocelyn watched Sebastian disappear through the trees, her gaze lingering on his broad shoulders, dark hair, and military bearing. She’d seen him the moment he’d arrived, and despite everything, her heart had leapt. He’d come! Even after she’d sent him away like a shrew, he’d still come here to be with her on one of the worst days of her life.
Of course, she knew that he was probably mostly here for his job, but she’d seen the sympathy and worry in his deep-blue eyes. She was almost certain that if there were not so many people watching them, he’d have taken her in his arms as he’d done before.
Dear Lord, how she wished he had. The strain of trying to be strong, to stand straight and not give in to her grief, was overwhelming. She would like nothing more than to collapse into Sebastian Ness’s strong arms and give in to the fierce emotion inside of her.
But people were watching. In fact, she felt like the whole world was watching, gossiping and speculating about why The Viper had chosen Evelyn. What her sister had done to deserve this. She was tired of dodging reporters every time she left her house, tired of their shouts and suppositions. They were even here now, their cameras clicking and notebooks in hand.
She bit her lip until she thought it might bleed, then started back toward the gravesite, where a dozen or so people still milled around. Mortimer and Mandrake Blackstone met her halfway, and she tried to tamp down her irritation. Though she’d known the Blackstone brothers since she was a child, she hadn’t seen them much as an adult, and she had no idea why they were both being so solicitous to her now. They were acting as though they were her brothers instead of family friends, and while she supposed she should appreciate that they were trying to comfort her, all she really wanted was to be left alone.
“Was he bothering you?” Drake asked darkly. “You really should have let me handle him, Jocelyn.”
“He was fine,” she said sharply. “I wanted to talk to him. Really, Drake, I should think you’d be happy to let him do his job.”
“Men like that have no sense of what is right or proper,” Mortimer cut in, shaking his dark head in disdain. “He had no right to be here, questioning his betters on such a tragic occasion.”
“Men like what?” Jocelyn asked, letting some of her fury loose. “He’s becoming a friend of mine, Mortimer. I’d suggest you mind your tongue. I am in no mood to listen to your elitist drivel.” Even as she said the words, she was stunned by her daring. It was so unlike her to ever say what she was truly thinking. All her life, she’d been trained not to.
Perhaps Allison was wearing off on her, or perhaps she was starting to see that a man like Sebastian Ness was worth ten Mortimer Blackstones, despite his lack of pedigree and title.
Mortimer drew in a deep, offended breath, then spun around and walked away.
Drake watched him go, then sighed. “I’m sorry, Jocelyn. You’re right. Ness is a good man, and my brother can be...” He shrugged. “Is there anything I can do for you before I leave? Anything you need?”
“No.” She tried to smile but doubted it came very near the mark. She knew people were concerned about her, and that they were only trying to help, but was tired of everyone asking what they could do. “I appreciate your support, but I think only time will heal this loss.”
She wasn’t even certain that time would lessen the pain of losing Evelyn, but there certainly wasn’t anything the Blackstones could do to help. All she wanted right now was to return home and fall into bed for the next twenty hours or so. Now that the funeral was over, maybe she could sleep at last. Perhaps she’d needed the finality of watching her sister’s body lowered into the ground.
Blackstone squeezed her shoulder and then turned away, and Jocelyn’s gaze met Abbie’s. The nanny stood off to the side, her slim shoulders shaking as she grieved for her dearest friend. Realizing that Abbie was truly the only one who understood how great of a loss she’d suffered, she hurried to Abbie’s side, embracing her tightly and finally giving in to her tears.
She caught a few shocked glances as she and Abbie clung together, but she didn’t care what anyone thought about her grieving with the nanny. In fact, she wondered if she’d finally reached a point where she didn’t care what anybody thought of her at all. Let the reporters snap their pictures and write their stories, let the members of the ton gossip. What did any of it matter now that Evelyn was gone?
* * *
THAT NIGHT, JOCELYN’S dreams were haunted. She was running through the park, trying to find Evelyn, but though she occasionally caught a glimpse of her sister’s skirts disappearing through the trees, by the time she caught up, Evelyn was gone. Sobbing, she fell to her knees, only to be swept up into strong arms, cradled against a broad chest. She knew even before she looked up at his face that it was Sebastian. The terror that had filled her dissipated, replaced by intense desire.
She lifted her mouth to his, and he kissed her with hungry abandon, his tongue dancing with hers as his hands somehow both held her and caressed her. Then they were lying naked in the grass, their limbs intertwined as the kiss grew even more feverish, and once again, his fingertips delved between her thighs...
With a shuddering gasp, she awakened, bathed in sweat and tears, memories of the dream still so vivid she wasn’t certain for a moment what was real.
Sebastian Ness had invaded every corner of her life during the last week. She couldn’t get him out of her mind, and now she couldn’t even escape him in her sleep.
Pushing out of bed, she drew on her robe, belted it, and padded over to the chair before the fire on shaky legs. Sinking into it, she reached out to the decanter of brandy on the nearby table and poured some into a crystal glass.
She didn’t partake in spirits often, but she’d felt the need to have some handy ever since she’d learned of her sister’s death. Taking a few sips, she let the warmth pool through her, chasing away the remnants of the dream.
Her thoughts drifted to the conversation she’d had with Allison about Sebastian. Rather than be shocked, her friend had seemed happy for her. She’d all but encouraged Jocelyn to have a dalliance with the man.
For the first time, she had to admit to herself how much she wanted him. These feelings of desire he inspired in her were too powerful to ignore. Even now, her body pulsed with something she couldn’t even name, and the need to be in his arms again overwhelmed her.
Perhaps throwing herself into exploring these feelings could help stave off the grief and guilt that tormented her. Was that wrong? To want to choose life over death? To want to hide from what had happened to her sister for a while?
I’m sorry, Evelyn. This doesn’t mean I don’t miss you, that you’re not constantly in my thoughts. But I think you’d understand. I think you’d be happy that I finally found someone who makes me have butterflies, who makes me want to know what all the fuss is about.
When he’d approached her at the funeral earlier, she’d told him she’d meet him at his office, but now she wished she’d told him to come to her home. But perhaps it was best to keep his questions separate from whatever else lay between them. His questions and his reaction to what she had to tell him about Evelyn might very well make her angry all over again.
With a sigh, she finished her glass of brandy, her thoughts racing with thoughts of tomorrow. When they were finished with the business side of things, did she have the courage to tell him that she wanted more?