Jocelyn’s cheeks flushed with renewed heat, her anger bubbling back up to the surface. “Inspector Ness! He came to my house to ask me some questions, and he said that when Evelyn was found, someone had written that word on a note left by her body. I tried to tell him that she had never been with a man, but he didn’t believe me. He acted as though she was just very good at hiding her true nature.”
“Inspector Ness said that?” Allison asked, obviously aghast.
Jocelyn nodded angrily. “I thought I could trust him. He’d done so much to help me find her. He...” She broke off, her face growing even hotter as she thought of the intimacies they’d shared.
“He... what?” Allison asked, her eyes narrowing shrewdly. “I didn’t realize you and the inspector even knew each other.”
“We don’t,” Jocelyn said, then lowered her gaze, unable to look her friend in the eyes. “At least, we didn’t. I met him at your wedding breakfast, and when Evelyn went missing, I went to him for help.”
“He’s a good man,” Allison said gently. “A bit stern, perhaps a bit hard around the edges. But I’m sure that he was just trying to do his job. He didn’t know Evelyn like we did. He has to go in the direction where the evidence points.”
“He hasn’t been stern. Until last night, he was nothing but kind and helpful,” Jocelyn told her friend in a rush. “That day we spent looking for Evelyn... I thought that we got to know each other quite well, and he... I let him kiss me.” She couldn’t yet tell her friend about what else she’d let him do. The mere thought of it still overwhelmed her with emotions she couldn’t name.
“That’s wonderful!” Allison cried, her eyes shining. “I’m glad that you felt attracted to him. You’ve always said you never felt desire for any man before.”
“I was growing to trust him,” Jocelyn admitted. “When he came to tell me what had happened... He held me very tenderly while I cried. I’d never had anyone offer me that kind of strength and understanding. I wanted...” She shook her head. “I don’t know what I wanted. But when he came back to ask the questions, I was furious at his insinuations. Perhaps far more than I would have been had it been someone else saying such things. I just wanted so badly for him to believe me.”
Allison reached across and squeezed her hand. “Of course you did.”
“I told him to leave. I’m afraid I was quite nasty about it.” She shook her head again as shame and embarrassment suddenly overwhelmed her. “I know he was just doing his job. I know he had to ask those questions... I hope that my unwillingness to cooperate with his line of questioning doesn’t make it harder for him to find out who did this.”
“I’m certain he understands that you’re just upset... grieving... He’s very professional. I know he’ll somehow get to the bottom of this, whether you answer his questions or not. Quinn is still helping him, and the killer had to have made some mistakes this time.”
“I hope so,” Jocelyn said softly, realizing that she’d come here today more to talk about Sebastian than Evelyn. Her emotions were a tangled mess, and this was the very worst time for her to finally be feeling something for a man, but she couldn’t deny that she did. She needed her friend to help her try to make sense of it.
“You really like him, don’t you?” Allison squeezed her hand again. “It’s all right if you do, Jocelyn. We can’t do anything about what happened to Evelyn, but we can talk about what you’re feeling for the inspector.”
Maybe her friend was right. Did it cheapen her grief for Evelyn to admit that she was feeling something else as well? Was their any room for anything other than grief in her life right now?
Jocelyn released her rigid posture, allowing herself to sink back against the comfortable cushions of Allison’s sofa. “I remember when you were staying with me, and you came home telling me all about the... things that you and Quinn saw when you went to that warehouse. The look in your eyes when you spoke of kissing him in that storeroom.”
“And I remember your utter disgust. You said that you were so grateful you’d never have to let a man touch you again,” Allison reminded her gently.
“It was terrible with Albert,” Jocelyn admitted. “Even though it only went on for a few months until I became pregnant with Oliver, it seemed like hell on earth to have to endure that. The humiliation, the pain... I couldn’t even imagine that anyone would ever enjoy those things. I didn’t understand how you could seem so excited to be with Quinn. But when Sebastian kissed me...”
“It was different, wasn’t it?”
“So different,” Jocelyn agreed. “I could actually imagine that I might enjoy making him my lover.” Surely, if her face got any hotter, she would simply explode. “I’m a widow,” she said unnecessarily. “I could take a lover if I wanted to.”
“You could,” Allison said, nodding thoughtfully. “As long as you were discreet.”
The ridiculousness of it all seemed insurmountable. “I can’t believe I’m talking about this. There are so many other things I need to be doing right now. My sister isn’t even in her grave yet, and I’m talking about taking a lover. What is wrong with me?”
“Nothing is wrong with you,” Allison said sagely. “I think in times of despair, it’s only natural to search for something happy, and lovemaking is the best way to celebrate life.”
“Well, I don’t know about that,” Jocelyn said with a sigh. “But I’m glad you’re not horrified by what I’ve told you.”
“You’re my best friend,” Allison said with a tearful smile. “You could never say anything that would make me think less of you. Besides, you stuck by me when I was saying things much more horrifying than what you just said.”
Jocelyn gave a half-laugh, half-sob, nodding. “Yes, and I even sat at a table with no place cards, so you know how much I love you.”
They burst into tearful laughter and hugged each other tightly, and for the first time since she’d found out about Evelyn’s death, Jocelyn felt like she could breathe again.