“I do,” he said softly, squeezing her a little tighter. “But let’s just sit here for a moment first so I can get my wits about me.”
She gave a choking little chuckle but then nodded, and the last of her resistance seemed to fade as she went absolutely boneless against him.
“No one has ever held me this way,” she whispered after a long while. “No one has ever given me any physical comfort whatsoever. Now you’ve done it several times in a matter of days, just when I needed it the very most. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he said simply, tamping back the rest of the words that suddenly wanted to spill out. He wanted to tell her that he’d gained something from it as well, that she’d soothed a bit of the monster that raged within him at his inability to keep this from happening, that he felt guilty for not having caught the bastard before he struck again. But none of it made any sense. They were practically strangers, yet he’d never felt this close to anyone. Not even his wife.
She nestled a little bit closer, and for the first time tonight, a surge of a different kind of warmth moved through him. She just felt so sweet and soft against him, all lovely curves, fragrant skin, and fiery hair. Calling once again on every shred of willpower he possessed, he tried to will his body back into submission. If she noticed how much she affected him, all her trust would vanish like smoke in the wind, and for the first time in his life, he found he wanted this woman’s trust and friendship more than her body.
“I didn’t get much physical affection when I was young either,” he told her slowly, surprised he was sharing this with her. He usually kept the details of his personal life secret, even from those he was closest to. “I married when I was very young. Her name was Marina. We’d only been wed a few days before I went off to the Army, but she was very affectionate... Not just in the bedroom, but like this... I’d never known what I was missing, how it felt to be close to someone. I craved it so much when I was away.”
It had been so long since he’d spoken of Marina. So long since he’d let himself feel any of this.
She tensed, all of her lovely pliancy suddenly disappearing. “You’re married?”
“No,” he hastened to assure her. “I’m a widower. She died a long time ago.”
She heaved a deep sigh but relaxed again. “Oh, Sebastian. I’m so sorry.”
He didn’t tell her that Marina had run off with another man while he was gone. That she’d died giving birth to that man’s baby. It was all so tawdry, something a woman like her could never understand.
Another period of silence passed between them, but then she cleared her throat and pulled away from him with what seemed like reluctance. “I’m ready now. Ask me whatever you need to.”
He stared into her resolute, tear-streaked face and thought he’d never seen anything so brave. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to make all of this go away for a while longer, but since she was being so brave, he had to honor that.
“I don’t know how to say this delicately.” He frowned, trying to find the words to ask her what he needed to know. “The Viper’s other victims were all women who had been his former lovers—”
“What are you saying?” Jocelyn pushed to her feet, suddenly vibrating with anger. “Are you asking me if Evelyn...” She broke off, shaking her head in disgust. “No. Absolutely not. I told you before. Evelyn was not involved with any man.”
He winced, knowing he’d gone about this all wrong. “I know that you want to believe that. But if she was, it’s possible you didn’t know about it. That’s something she might not have shared with you. She might have wanted to keep it a secret.”
“My sister and I didn’t keep secrets from each other!” She drew herself up to her full five-foot height and looked down her nose at him, suddenly every bit the countess. “I want to help you find whoever did this, but I won’t let you malign my sister’s character is such a way.”
“I’m not trying to malign her character. But if she had a lover, we need to know who it was.” He got to his feet as well, feeling awkward. “I won’t think less of her. I won’t think anything at all. I just want a name so I can make this bastard pay for what he’s done.”
“Well, you’ll have to find another way, because there is no man. I am absolutely positive of that.”
He took a deep breath. “The killer left a piece of paper with one word on it at Evelyn’s feet. Do you know what that word was?”
She shook her head, her eyes daring him to say it.
He swallowed. “It was whore, Jocelyn. Does that sound like something that he would have left if there wasn’t some sort of personal relationship between them?”
“Get out,” she said, her emerald eyes snapping fire.
“I’m sorry, I know it hurts to hear such things, and I could be wrong. But I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t at least ask, just to rule it—”
“I want you to leave,” she repeated, trembling with fury. “Is this the only reason you came here tonight? To malign my sister’s reputation and make these insinuations?”
Her hurt and anger slayed him. The last thing he’d wanted was to cast aspersions on the dead girl, but he needed to rule it out. He wanted to defend himself and his intentions, calm her down, but he could tell by the look on her face that she wasn’t going to listen to him. Not today. He’d committed an unpardonable mistake.
“I will go,” he said stiffly. “But please, don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you think of anything that might help me catch the bastard who did this.”
“You can see yourself out.” Without another word, she turned and left the room, leaving him feeling dazed, lost, and guilty.