Chapter Ten
Jocelyn spent the next day drifting throughout her house, dry-eyed and numb, wondering why she couldn’t cry. Was there a limit to the tears one could expend? She felt worn out by her grief, completely drained.
She hadn’t told Oliver yet, and so far, he hadn’t asked where his aunt was, but she knew it was only a matter of time. What would she say then?
How did one explain such a thing to a three-year-old?
Just after four, her butler found her in the parlor to let her know that Drake Blackstone had arrived to speak to her. Despite everything, a surge of disappointment went through her. Though she’d known Drake most of her life, she’d much rather he’d sent Sebastian Ness.
Drake was shown into the parlor, and his eyes were filled with sympathy as he took the chair across from her. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you.” The tears she hadn’t been able to find all morning immediately welled up, and she blinked rapidly, embarrassed to be giving in to them now. Why was it that she didn’t want her old friend to see her in a moment of weakness, but she’d so willingly gone into Sebastian Ness’s arms and cried her eyes out last night?
Drake cleared his throat. “I just came by to let you know that we’re doing everything we can to ensure that this monster is brought to justice. I won’t let another woman suffer at The Viper’s hands.”
“The Viper?” Jocelyn shook her head, horror rushing through her, a cold sweat breaking out all over her body. “Evelyn was killed by The Viper?”
With a wince, Drake leaned forward and took her hand. “I thought you knew. I thought Ness had told you. I’m so sorry.”
“But I don’t understand,” Jocelyn said, her voice rising with every word. Why hadn’t Sebastian told her? Had it been some sort of misguided attempt to protect her? “I thought The Viper only killed prostitutes.”
It was bad enough to know that Evelyn had been murdered. But to know she’d been a victim of The Viper? She’d seen the salacious news stories, the graphic details of how the killer brutalized his victims. She’d even heard firsthand from Allison, who’d discovered The Viper’s first victim.
Nausea welled within her, and she surged to her feet. “I can’t... I don’t....” Unable to get anything else out, she turned and ran from the room, barely able to reach the water closet down the hall before she cast up the little she’d managed to eat today.
Sobbing, she sank to the floor, visions of what must have happened to sweet, gentle Evelyn filling her brain until she wanted to crush her own skull just to get rid of them. How had this happened? Why? Evelyn had nothing in common with those other girls The Viper had murdered.
She didn’t know how much time had gone by before a soft knock sounded at the door. “Jocelyn? Are you...? Can I do anything to help?”
More tears squeezed out at the sound of Drake’s voice. Once again, she wished it had been Sebastian who’d come to speak to her today. She felt as though she were about to shake apart, and Sebastian Ness was the only glue that might put her back together. It made no sense, but neither did anything else that had happened in the last three days.
“There’s nothing you can do,” she told him brokenly. “Please, I just want to be alone.”
He said nothing for a long moment, then cleared his throat. “Let me know if you need anything. And I do need to ask you some questions. About... what happened.”
Another sob escaped her, and then she heard his footsteps retreating.
He had questions? Well, so did she. She had a million questions. But she had a really bad feeling that she was never going to know the answers to any of them.
* * *
WHEN JOCELYN FINALLY emerged from the water closet half an hour later, she was dry-eyed once again. Would this continue to happen? Hours of numbness followed by bouts of crippling grief?
Feeling as though she was a ghost haunting her own house, she drifted up the stairs to the nursery on the third floor. She usually kept Oliver with her a good part of the day, but she still didn’t know what to say to him, and she didn’t want him to see her crying.
However, she was sure her little boy was missing her, and she also knew it wasn’t fair to make Abbie watch him all day when she was grieving for Evelyn, too.
She stood in the doorway for a minute, listening as Abbie read Oliver’s favorite book to him and thought how lucky both she and Evelyn had been to have had Abbie in their lives. Jocelyn knew Abbie loved Oliver almost as much as she did.
When the story was done, she went inside, smiling when Oliver rushed over to her on his chubby little legs. Scooping him up in her arms, she met Abbie’s watery gaze. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off, Abbie?”
Abbie’s eyes widened in surprise, but then she nodded vigorously. “Thank you, my lady.”
Once Abbie had gone, Jocelyn carried Oliver, who was already blinking tiredly, over to his small bed and laid down beside him. “Let’s take a little nap, shall we?” she coaxed, hugging him tightly against her.
Grabbing a chunk of her hair, he closed his eyes and was soon sleeping soundly.
The terrible truth was that she’d been glad when Albert had died. There had been no love between them whatsoever. He’d been cruel, forbidding her to leave the house unless he accompanied her but largely ignoring her except to criticize or bed her.
But then Allison had fallen in love with Quinn O’Brien, waxing poetically about how incredible it was to be in his arms. Jocelyn had never thought she’d feel anything remotely similar to what her friend had described, but then she’d found herself wanting to kiss the inspector’s cheek. And once she had, she’d wanted to kiss his mouth. And then she’d started to want so much more. She’d wanted to explore all these overwhelming feelings and desire with the man who’d made her feel them.
She shifted restlessly, overwhelmed with guilt. She shouldn’t be thinking about these sorts of things when she’d just found out that her sister was dead. She shouldn’t have been thinking of them at all, because the last thing in the world she wanted was another man in her life.
But he’d held her so tenderly last night...
With a groan, she pulled a nearby pillow over her head, trying to banish all thoughts of the handsome inspector. Her sister was dead, and if she must think about a man, she’d be better served trying to figure out who “M” was, because he was one who’d lured Evelyn to the park and killed her.
Evelyn and Jocelyn had spoken every day. Jocelyn had always told her sister everything, so how was it possible that Evelyn had been going through something like this and never told her about it? It hurt to know that her sister hadn’t felt she could trust her with such a thing.
If only Evelyn had come to her, if only she’d asked her to go with her that night, perhaps she could have stopped this terrible thing from happening.