“At first, the woman was kneeling in front of the man, and she had his... member in her mouth,” Allison whispered, still scandalized to her very soul by what she’d seen.
Evelyn made a gagging sound.
“I know!” Allison exclaimed. “And then, he threw her on a divan and put his face between her legs, making her writhe and scream as though it was the most fantastic thing in the world!”
“He put his face... down there?” Heather whispered.
Allison nodded vigorously. “Then he put his... you know, inside of her.”
“And you watched the whole thing?” Jocelyn breathed. “You stood next to Inspector O’Brien while that was happening?”
“He was furious with me at first, but I kept asking him questions, and finally, he pulled me into some sort of closet, and he kissed me!” She sank back into the thick carpet and stared dreamily at the coffered ceiling. “The kiss... it was... magical!”
“A police inspector? You let a police inspector kiss you in a warehouse where dirty pictures are made? After watching another couple do those filthy, degrading things!” Jocelyn sounded truly shocked, and Allison hadn’t thought that her friend was capable of being shocked by much.
“You don’t understand,” Allison said, pushing herself up onto one elbow and staring at her horrified friends earnestly. “None of it seemed filthy or degrading. The woman seemed as though she was enjoying it immensely, and it was... arousing. I wish I could have watched longer.”
Heather still looked bemused, but she smiled slowly. “You’re so brave, Allison! I never would have had the courage to go inside such a place, let alone watch!”
“Quinn said it was shameful that women like us are told absolutely nothing about what happens in the bedroom, then forced into marriages and expected to let men do those things to us. I think he’s right. I think that we need to know what sex is all about. What things we might like to try, what things we want no part of.”
Jocelyn shuddered. “I don’t want any of it. Never again.”
“That’s just it!” Allison cried. “This is exactly what he was talking about. No one prepared you for what happened to you that night, so I’m certain it was frightening, more so than it would have been if you’d known what to expect.”
Jocelyn bit her lip. “I suppose so,” she conceded.
“Well, since I never plan to marry, I always thought that I’d be spared such things. But after today, I can’t help but wonder if I want to be spared.” Allison took a deep breath, then confessed to the thought that had been in her head ever since Quinn had kissed her. “I think I should take a lover.”
Her friends looked absolutely appalled.
“Why shouldn’t I?” Allison asked stubbornly. “Men do it all the time.”
“But... you’re not a man, Allison. And if you ruin yourself, you’ll never be able to marry and have children,” Heather said in a strangled tone.
“How many times do I have to tell you that I have no plans to marry or have children?” Allison fired back, exasperated.
“You don’t know that,” Jocelyn told her sternly. “Before I had little Oliver, I had no idea how much joy he’d bring to my life.”
Allison let her gaze fall upon the cherubic little boy on the floor in front of her, then closed her eyes and shook her head. They were completely ruining the euphoric haze she’d been under. “You’re a wonderful mother, Jocelyn. But I have no reason to think the same could be said of me. I certainly wasn’t raised by one. I have no desire to ever let a man rule my life. It’s bad enough that my brothers try to. But should I go to my grave untouched? Should I never have the opportunity to know what it feels like to make love?”
Jocelyn frowned. “That’s exactly what I’m saying. Women like us don’t have the option of having it both ways. You either get to marry and know those things or choose not to and die an old maid. You certainly don’t get to take a handsome police inspector to your bed.”
“Inspector O’Brien would never agree to such an arrangement anyway,” Heather agreed. “He’s far too good of a man to engage in something so dishonorable.”
Allison wasn’t so certain of that, but she could tell that none of them were going to change their minds about the matter. Disappointment filled her. For some reason, she’d thought they’d understand. She’d thought they’d be just as excited and curious about the things she’d discovered today as she was.
Perhaps there truly was something wrong with her. Maybe she was lewd and depraved and not like other women of her class at all.
“Please tell us that you’ll forget about this mad idea,” Heather said softly. “We love you, and we just don’t want you to get hurt.”
I’m so tired of hearing that! Forcing a smile, Allison pushed to her feet. “You’re probably right. Perhaps I’m just overwrought from the whole thing. I don’t know what I’m saying. I think I’ll go take a nap and try to forget what happened.”
The looks of relief on her friends’ faces made her know she’d said the right thing, even if she had no intention of actually following through with it. The last thing she wanted was to forget what she’d seen today. In fact, the moment she got to her room, she was going to try and remember every thrilling moment.