Ah, God, why did she feel the sudden urge to cry? “Nevertheless,” she said briskly to stave off the tears that threatened, “I know it must have been distressing to you. And I am sorry you were subject to that.”
“Like I said,” he murmured gently, “your past is your past.”
His words should have brought her relief. But all she felt was a horrible hollowness. What had she expected would happen after her apology? Had she truly believed that Ash had been so obsessed with Lord Owens being the former object of her affections that he had been consumed by jealousy? Had she thought her apology would magically fix everything? Foolish woman.
As expected, what she had said did not change a thing between them. “But their presence here did remind me that I am needed back in London. We have been in a bit of a bubble here at Caulnedy, and I had begun to forget this was all temporary.”
As had I.Bronwyn swallowed hard, feeling as if she were standing before a firing squad, waiting for the killing shot.
“But the girls have responded to you beautifully,” he continued. “Really, it was a genius idea to bring me in and help to ease your way. It worked better than I ever imagined it would. Even Regina has opened up to you.”
He fell silent.
“However,” she prompted, the one word sounding strangled.
He pressed his lips tight and nodded. “Right. However, I think we can both agree that it is time I remove myself from the situation. I leave in a matter of days, and it wouldn’t do to have the girls become too attached.”
Or for you to become too attached.He did not say the words, but the implication was there in the way his gaze skimmed over her, as if he could see to her very heart and was embarrassed for her. Her cheeks burned with her humiliation, for once more she had given her heart where it was not wanted.
“Of course,” she replied through numb lips. Feeling unmoored, her eyes dropped from his and jerked about the room, searching for something solid to grasp onto in the swirling maelstrom of her emotions. Suddenly her gaze anchored on her bed. The bed that had seen so many of their intimate moments, that had witnessed her body awakening to sensation and her heart to love.
“And what of our nights?” she found herself whispering. She looked back to him. “Are those to end as well?”
The amber of his eyes deepened, and he looked as if he were burning from the inside out. She expected him to agree then that yes, it would be for the best.
Instead he strode toward her, catching her up in his arms. His mouth found hers, hungry and insistent, an almost desperate quality to his kiss that awakened something equally frenzied in her. She clung to him, her hands diving into his hair, her body pressing up into his, beseeching him. In a corner of her brain she realized this felt like a farewell, and it frightened her. For a moment she felt the mad urge to declare herself, to beg him to stay.
But if she opened herself up and allowed her raw emotions out, only to have him still leave, it would destroy her. And so she kissed him harder, forcing the words back down. Letting him know with each frantic caress, each desperate press of her lips, what she could not say.
The heat between them became an inferno, swift and utterly undeniable. There was no time for undressing, no time to even find the bed. He lifted her off her feet and pressed her to the wall. She wrapped her legs about his hips, her skirts bunching about her waist, his hands frantic on her thighs and beneath her bare bottom. Their harsh breaths filled the room, even as his hand came between their bodies to free his manhood from his breeches. And then he was sinking inside her.
She tore her mouth free, her head pressing back against the wall as he filled her to the hilt, his deep groan mingling with her gasp of pleasure until she could not tell the sounds apart. But there was no reveling in the sensation of him being inside her. No, their need for one another was too great. He began to move, seemingly helpless to do anything else, his hips slamming into hers. And she welcomed each thrust inside her, the wall giving no quarter behind her.
In mere minutes her body exploded around his, so violent in its release she cried out. Suddenly his mouth was on hers, swallowing her cry, even as his own shout filled her up, making her climax that much more powerful. And in that exquisite moment in time, as she floated among the stars beside him, she was able to forget the pain, the heartache, the uncertainty. And she was happy.
***
That happiness, however, was as fleeting as it was cruel.
But she would not think of Ash carrying her to her bed, of his tender undressing of her or of him climbing in beside her to hold her against him. Nor would she think of how she had fought sleep with everything in her, knowing that if she were to drift off, he would leave.
No, today she would recall how it felt to wake to an empty bed. To feel the cold sheets beside her and drift her fingers over the faint dip in the pillow where he had rested his head as he’d curled around her. She had known there was something different in the loneliness today. Though there were still three days before their agreement came to an end and he left for London, she knew deep in her battered heart she had already lost him.
But pain was good, she told herself as she went through her morning routine. It reminded a person that they should not be complacent and trusting, and that life was not a fairy tale.
And she fed it, brutally. He would no longer be joining her for breakfast as he used to, she thought as she ate that lonely meal. And he would no longer be accompanying her and the girls for luncheon and outings, she reminded herself as she attempted to guide his wards through the new day. This was how life would be from now on; they had best get used to it.
And, somehow, she had managed it. The day passed, with Nelly and Eliza asking only a dozen times or so where Ash was. And if Regina appeared slightly more subdued than usual, Bronwyn would chalk it up to the girl adjusting to their new normal.
When Bronwyn woke the next day, she was certain it must be easier, now that she knew what to expect. No matter her sleepless night—Ash had come to her, but like the evening before their lovemaking had been swift, and desperate, and he had left the moment her head had hit the pillow—she was determined to pretend everything was well. And besides, she did have one thing to look forward to: the Oddments were set to meet in the afternoon. She had not been to their meetings in weeks, and could not wait to see her dear friends.
Just as she was readying herself to leave, however, there came a knock at her bedroom door.
Her heart leapt in her chest. Had Ash come? In the next instant, however, she quickly stifled the burst of hope. Foolish woman. Of course he had not changed his mind. She had best get it through her head that whatever interlude she’d had with him was over.
“Come in,” she called out.
The door opened hesitantly to reveal Regina.