A chill washes over me. “Not anytime soon, yeah?”
She’s quiet, and my hands still. “Francesca?”
“Maybe sooner than I realized.”
My throat tightens. “Shit.” I ease her off me, stand, and pace around the room, my head tumbling. Why is she talking about fate, then family?
She hasn’t moved from the bed, not an inch, her body strangely still as she looks at me. “You’ve always had this air about you, carefree and happy go lucky. I can see you as a dad—”
“Stop,” I say sharply, adrenaline rushing through my veins as she hits a nerve.
She plucks at the comforter. “Ah, yes. I presume too much, and it’s too soon for such talk. You were all I thought about in California.” Her chest rises. “There’s something I should tell you—”
“No, don’t,” I say, interrupting her. “Don’t bring emotions into this.”
She gets a puzzled look. “That’s not—”
“I’ve been honest with you, Francesca. I don’t want ...,” I say, cutting her off, then trailing off, unsure how to continue. How do I say that Icanlove but I’m also a monster with sharp teeth?
Emotionally, I’m broken.
And physically? Jesus. What if Iammy dad?
Part of me doesn’t trust Francesca—not about the stalking; that’s long gone.
She’s hammering on the steel walls around my heart.
I can’t let her in.
Can’t.
Can’t.
Jesus, there’s such a long list of why I can’t commit!
I rake both hands through my hair. “Don’t you think this is a conversation for down the road?” Most girls wait months before poking at the idea of family.
“I guess when I know what I want ...” Her shoulders shrug. “I kissed you. That means something ...” Blue-green eyes flash up at me. “It’s a big fucking deal.”
“I’m not sure where we’re going, okay? Let’s date, yeah—I really like you. You’re different. Beautiful. Special. I’d like it if I’m the only guy you’re fucking, and I’ll do the same. That’s what I offer. Is that enough?”
The air crackles with tension.
She nudges her head at the door, and I see my hand on the knob. My knuckles are white. “Are you sure about that?” A wan smile flits over her face. “If you want to leave, go. I’m familiar with the experience.”
Exasperation, mixed with uncertainty, surges over me.
I want light. Fun. Easy.
Not serious.
“You have me, okay? You played hard to get and won. I haven’t been with anyone since Decadence. I wantyou, Francesca; I’ve never made that a secret. When I came to your door, when I saw you in the bookstore ...” Pressure tightens in my chest. “I fucking need you, okay? I’m sorry I don’t dig this fate thing.”
“I didn’t play any games. There was no ‘hard to get’ going on. I had doubts about you. I still do.” She looks down at her hands. “As far as fate is concerned, you didn’t have to agree with me or believe in it; I didn’t expect that, but it bugs you—which I find telling. I don’t understand our coincidences, but that isn’t what this is about. I want to know who you really are. I want to know about your normal childhood. It only seems fair since you had someone look into my life.”
There’s an edge to that last sentence.
“I won’t ever do that again,” I tell her. “I swear.”