“Fear is a part of falling in love. You have to give yourself entirely to another person and that’s scary. Especially for someone who’s always been so incredibly independent, like you.”
“I don’t know if I can. Not everyone is like Connor.”
“Oh, please. Connor doesn’t shit rainbows. Do you remember when I flew across the ocean because he fucked up?”
“But you worked it out—”
“And that’s what it’s all about. When there are problems, you work on them. Together. If Hayden is everything that you say he is, give him a chance. Have your own slice of happiness.”
I take a big breath and reach for the untouched glass of wine, lifting it to my lips. But as soon as the smell hits me, my stomach churns.
“Not again,” I groan, running for the bathroom. Sasha follows close behind.
“What’s going on?” she asks when I flush the toilet.
“I’ve had this weird stomach bug the last few days. I thought it was over, but the wine smell must have just triggered it.”
Sasha’s lips form a thin line, and she looks from me to the toilet.
“The last time you had sex was a few weeks ago, right?”
“Yeah, but I’m on the pill, and my period…” I trail off, calculating in my head. Now. My period should be in full swing now. I took my last pill of the month three days ago. Usually, by now, it would have been a bloodbath. “Shit.”
“Shit?”
“But—I’m on the pill.”
“There’s always a chance… You know as well as anyone that abstinence is the only foolproof form of contraception. Do you have a test at home, or do we need to go to the pharmacy?”
I laugh hysterically. “I can’t be pregnant.”
“Well, I guess there’s only one way to find out. We can decide if we’re happy or terrified once we know,” Sasha says, placing a hand on my shoulder and gently squeezing it. The gesture brings with it a feeling of safety and reassurance within me.
“Whatever the test says, I’ll deal with it then.”
“I’ll be here with you. Every step of the way. We can cry and curse the man who did this to you when we find out. Or celebrate if that is what you want to do.”
Is it?
Deep down in my soul, I know that if I were pregnant, Hayden would move heaven and earth for us. For me and the baby.
The baby.
Suddenly, I can’t stop thinking about the fact that there might be a baby inside me. One that is part dark and stormy eyes and dewy sandalwood. And wasn’t it just a few days ago that Hayden proclaimed he wanted to put babies in me and marry me?Well, dude, your wish might just be coming true.
Still unsure of how I feel, I head to my vanity and pull out an old pregnancy test I bought for one of my friends last year but never ended up using.
Here goes nothing.
I pee on the stick and set the timer, Sasha holding my hand as we turn around.
“Whatever happens, I’ll deal with it,” I say.
“You and Hayden will.”
Hayden and I. My chest squeezes, and for the first time since I met him, I allow myself to pick through the crumbled walls around my heart. It’s beating. Steady and strong. Whispering his name. Hay-den. Hay-den. Hay-den.
I take a deep breath and come to terms with the fact that the bloody thing is beating for him.