Anxiety.
“Don’t cry,” He begs, “Please don’t cry.”
His thumbs find my cheeks, wiping the wetness away. “I’m not supposed to be the one to make you cry. I never want to be him.”
I grab his hand, “You didn’t make me cry. I’m just emotional. This whole scenario makes me emotional.”
“I get it,” He whispers. “I feel like a toddler ready to lay down in the middle of the store and throw a tantrum to get the toy.”
I can’t help but laugh at him, the snot threatening to escape, “This is a mess. I am a mess.”
Shame starts to creep into me, so I stalk to the bathroom to get some tissue. I don’t do this. Hell, I’m doing a lot of things I don’t usually do. I’m wearing less makeup. I’m comfortable. It’s weird. Scary, too.
Eric appears in the bathroom doorway and leans against the frame. “Don’t hide from me. It’s okay to feel things.”
“Is it, Eric? How could it be okay when how I feel could hurt so many people.”
He crosses the bathroom, wrapping his arms around me from behind as we stare at ourselves in the mirror. “What do you feel?”
I stare at our reflection. I want to say it’s love. I want to say that I love him, that I’m falling so desperately in love with him that it hurts. That just the idea of us together brings my heart so much joy. Instead, I opt for “Happy.”
“Then what does it matter what anyone else thinks?”
I turn to face him, “It’s more complicated than that.”
“You don’t think Hanna would want you to be happy?”
I sigh, “Of course I do. I just don’t think that she would want me to be happy with you.”
His grip tightens around my upper arms protectively. Like he’s trying so hard to ground me, “I think with time, people would get used to the idea of us.”
I look to the ground, “What about Ellie?”
Eric grins at the sound of her name, “Ellie loves us both.”
“Yeah,” I agree, “but does she love us together?”
“I think she could.”
I’m not as sure as him. The only way I can see this going is for Hanna to find out and never speak to me again.
He pulls me back into his bedroom, sitting me down on his bed. “She is going to feel some type of way about it, but I think she’ll come around to the idea.”
I drop back onto the pillows dramatically, “She’s going to hate us both.”
He hovers over me, both of his muscular forearms positioned on either side of my head. “Listen to me,” he demands. “Hanna made her choice. We deserve the chance to make ours. If you wanna walk away from this, I’ll let you. I won’t like it, of course, but that’s your choice to make.”
I stare into his stormy blue eyes, knowing that my heart has already decided. “Come with me this weekend.”
His brow twists, “To visit your parents?”
“My heart chooses you, Eric. I think I’ve always known that, as wrong as it is.”
“It’s not wrong when it feels right.”
It’s as if everything just sort of clicks, and I come to a realization that I sort of always knew.
I’m in love with Eric Blackwood.