“I’m so sorry, Eric.”
“What are you sorry for?” He growls, “You didn’t do anything.”
I dig my feet into the sand, “I know, but I’m still sorry that this happened. I wish it didn’t. You’re a good guy. You didn’t deserve it.”
His phone is vibrating next to him in the sand, the buzzing continuing over and over before he yanks it up and throws it as hard as he can into the water.
“It didn’t matter, though, did it?” He growls, “How good of a guy I was? How much I loved her? Everything we went through? Ultimately, the only thing that mattered was him, and it would always be him.”
His voice breaks a little, along with my heart. I don’t respond, knowing there isn’t anything I can say because he’s right. He could’ve been the greatest guy on the planet, but when it came to Hanna and Jameson, that wouldn’t have mattered.
“How did you know where to find me?” He asks.
“I just thought of the last place you’d go. The one place you wouldn’t be caught dead hanging out at.”
“That’s funny,” he sighs, “You knew exactly where to come, and Hanna just sends a million ‘where are you’ messages. She didn’t really wanna deal with us today anyway. Jameson probably already has his dick buried so deep inside of her she’s forgotten my name.”
I try not to laugh at his comment because I don’t want him to think I’m rubbing it in, but he’s absolutely right. Instead, I change the subject.
“Why do you hate the beach?” I ask, eager to know how anyone could dislike a view as beautiful as this.
He smirks, “That is a story for a different time.”
I laugh, “What’s wrong? Traumatized as a kid or something? Mouthful of sand? Shark bite? Seaweed entanglement?”
He raises his brow, “No, but it sounds like you know something I don’t?”
“No,” I smile. “I was just trying to justify your hate for something so beautiful.”
He digs his feet deeper into the sand, his elbows perched on his knees, “A lot of beautiful things are ugly beneath the surface.”
I try to lighten the mood, “I like it.”
“Why? What could be so fascinating about sitting in the sand and watching the same waves crash into the shore over and over?”
I shrug, “I don’t know. I sit here and stare at the ocean, knowing those waves will crash no matter what. I guess that’s why I like it. I know exactly what to expect, and I’ve never really had anything consistent like that. So when I’m here staring at it, it feels like, for once, there’s something steady in my life. Even when there isn’t.”
He turns his beautiful blue eyes to me, tears glistening against his lashes.
“Too bad that real life isn’t like those waves. It’s hard to find someone you can count on to be that steady, Jolene. Don’t be so down on yourself just because you haven’t figured it all out yet. I mean, look at me. I thought I had it all figured out, but here I am with nothing.”
I want to wrap my arms around him and hug him so tight he can’t breathe, but I refrain. At this point, I don’t think it would be appropriate. Sure were friends, but I was Hanna’s friend first, and no matter how awful I might feel for Eric, it felt like betraying her somehow.
“You could never be left with nothing,” I snap, standing up and dusting the sand off my ass. “What can I do to help?”
“I don’t know could you like morph into a therapist or something?” He half laughs, trying to mask his pain.
“No, but I can take you to a bar. That’s basically the same thing.”
He stands up and motions for me to lead the way.
CHAPTER 2
ERIC
Two weeks later…
A pile of Barbie dolls mocks me from the other side of the room, where Ellie used to play. I can’t bring myself to pick up her toys and return them because that makes it more real. So I sit here and stare at them because somehow torturing myself is better.