“Tanner?” His name came out softly from her, and she wondered if he’d heard her or decided to ignore her and this situation. But then he stiffened, and she knew he’d heard just fine.
So avoiding the situation it was.
“Shit.” He still had yet to look at her. “Listen.”
She held back her tears. No way she’d let him see her cry.
“Dammit, baby.” Clearly he saw she was on the verge of breaking down because he pulled her into his arms a second later. The feel of his hand moving up and down her back did nothing to make her feel better.
Everything just felt off now. “I’m fine,” she said and pushed him back.
“I am so fucking sorry.” He took her face in his hands and stared in her eyes. “ I’m drunk and didn’t know what I was doing. I shouldn’t have let it get that far.”
She tensed, but he continued before she could respond.
“I should have stopped, but you smelled so good and felt so tempting.” He inhaled deeply.
She closed her eyes, wishing that she could wake up from this nightmare. It was getting worse by the minute.
“You are so much better than me—than this.”
The only thing worse than losing her virginity to one of the guys she loved and him regretting it was hearing him try to console her and tell her she was better than he was.
Sasha pushed away from him and didn’t hide the hurt and anger she felt. She hoped he could see it… feel it. It churned inside of her, and she knew it would be there for the rest of her life, rotting and festering until it consumed her fully.
Telling him she’d been in love with him since she was twelve years old was on the tip of her tongue, but really, what good would it do? He’d made himself perfectly clear.
Instead, Sasha drew up her courage from deep inside. “Don’t you fucking apologize to me, Tanner.” His eyes widened. The spurt of vicious anger grew inside of her until it threatened to consume her whole. “Besides, I was bound to lose it to someone at some time.” Hurting him was all she could think about right now. “You just happened to be here at the right time.” The lie stung and felt like acid leaving her mouth.
He flinched. “Don’t say that, sweetheart.”
For a moment, she wanted to think he truly did care for her like she did him. The pain she felt was indescribable and took up every single empty space inside of her. Sasha should have been smart enough and stopped it before it had gone as far as it did. But it was too damn late for that now.
The way he stood and how the light from the streetlamp washed his face in a muted glow of yellow showed her his clenched jaw and the hard look in his eyes.
“If you say so, Sasha. If that’s how you feel.” His words were rough and clipped, and his anger was palpable.
And as if things couldn’t have gotten worse and even more uncomfortable, she heard her brother calling her name. Tanner stiffened and looked to the side where the voice came from. But she knew no one could see them.
“Don’t worry. I won’t tell him.” Yeah, because that was a shit-storm waiting to happen.
Tanner opened his mouth but promptly closed it. Rian rounded the corner and stopped when he saw them. For several seconds, no one said anything.
“Hey. What’s going on?” Rian took another step closer. His eyes bounced from her to Tanner then back to her.
“Nothing. We were just talking away from all the drunks. I was thanking him for helping throw this graduation party for me.” Sasha was surprised she’d been able to spew that lie out so quickly and even made it sound believable.
She gave one last look at Tanner, who she was surprised to see staring at her, before making her way toward Rian. Her brother seemed content with her response and gave her a one arm hug. He might have seen her as a pain in the ass all through their childhood and that first year of high school, but their relationship had matured, and now, they were closer than ever.
“Well, come on. Everyone’s been looking for you.” He gave a chin nod to Tanner and said, “You coming, man?”
Sasha looked over at the guy she’d just lost her virginity to. That thought caused her cheeks to heat, and she was thankful for the shadows that hid her. She saw the indecision on his face.
Would he tell Rian what they had just done? If he was suicidal, he might, but that would humiliate her as well, and she hoped he cared about her enough to keep his mouth shut. She said as much silently as she stared at him, and after what seemed like forever, he exhaled.
“Yeah,” Tanner finally said and scrubbed a hand over his face.
They all made their way inside, but it was like she wasn’t really in her body. All she kept thinking about was the feel of Tanner inside of her. Hell, she had the ache between her thighs and the wetness of her arousal and lost innocence to prove it hadn’t been a dream.