“I love you, Jonas. I’ve always loved you.” His smile broke her heart because what she was about to say was going to seem like her feelings for him were nothing more than empty words. “But I also love Tanner.”
Everything shifted around her as she waited for him to say something... anything. The sound and vibrations of the truck was the only thing that could be heard and felt. After what seemed like ages, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“I know, Sasha.” He opened his eyes, and the force with which his stare speared her was like a lance to her heart.
She must have looked like someone had slapped her because he chuckled and kissed her on the tip of the nose. “We both love you, Sasha. Knowing that we wanted your love in return was something the two of us needed to work on. It didn’t seem like a reality, not when you’re Rian’s little sister. It wasn’t until tonight that I realized you do have the same bone-deep feelings for us.”
“I...” Shaking her head because this was just too bizarre, she didn’t know how to respond.
“I saw your reaction when you looked at Tanner for the first time in years tonight.”
“How do you know Tanner still feels the same for me, that he has the same emotions you do?” He glanced away, and that was all the confirmation she needed.
It was now evident Tanner had told his twin he took my virginity at the graduation party.
Up until now, she’d just assumed, never asking to get the confirmation. “He told you.” It wasn’t a question but more of a statement. He nodded and actually looked embarrassed over that fact.
“But it wasn’t because he was bragging or anything. He was scared and upset over what he did and not just because your brother would have ripped his balls off if he found out.” He blew out a breath and let his head fall back against the seat. “When you left for college, he beat himself up for a long time about that. He cared about you then, too, Sasha. Loved you as much as I did.”
All of these revelations made her head spin.
“I can’t count the number of times both of us wanted to call you or drive to Columbus to see you. Each and every time, we talked each other out of it, telling ourselves that you were too good for us, and putting what we felt behind us.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face and looked out the window for a moment.
“Tanner knew he fucked up all those years ago and didn’t know how to make things right with you. It wasn’t a secret to us why you only came back Hayven Hill far less than anyone liked, and Tanner knew the way he had handled the situation with you was the cause of it. I just assumed you grouped me with him by association, and therefore ,you stayed away from me as well.”
Oh, Tanner. Oh God, Jonas.
“It sucked, but I understand. We understand why you did what you did. We talked about you and the situation a lot after you left.” Jonas smoothed his hand down the side of her head and brought her close to his chest once again. “Tanner went downhill after that, so to speak.”
She couldn’t hold back her grimace.
“Hey, sweetheart, I’m not telling you this to upset you or make Tanner look bad. I just want you to know why Tanner is now the way he is. I think he doesn’t see himself as being worthy any longer because, for years, he has told himself what a worthless asshole he was to you.”
Sasha shook her head, stunned that Tanner had felt that way. Yes, she had been heartbroken, but never in a million years did she think Tanner felt that way about himself, or that Jonas was just as stricken with her absence as she was.
“I would have given you my heart… both of you.” Knowing that all these years had been wasted on both sides angered her and also made her feel sorrow. “I wish you would have said something. Heck, I wish I would have come home and talked to the both of you.”
“And we wish you would have said something, too.” He smiled at her and brushed his thumb along her bottom lip. She couldn’t argue with him because the past four years had been all of her fault.
“I’m sorry I avoided you guys and hid my feelings. I was scared, worried that Tanner thought what we did was a mistake. I shouldn’t have wasted all that time.”
Bringing his other hand to the side of her face, he stared into her eyes. “No, Sasha, you shouldn’t, but no one is to blame, especially not when the past doesn’t matter anymore. You’re here now, and that is all that matters.”
Bringing her close for a kiss, he whispered against her lips.
“Let’s just focus on the future and the fact everything is out in the open.”
“But what about Tanner? And... oh God, Rian.” Her brother was so not going to like this, even if she was an adult and he had no say in the situation. And what about Tanner and his new girlfriend? Was he really serious about her?
“Everything will work out. I promise.” Jonas, always the optimist. “And the whole issue with Tanner and this Brianna girl is nothing you need to worry about. I saw the way he looked at you at Shake’s. He still loves you, whether he is trying to fool himself and everyone else or not.”
Just the thought of talking to Tanner and telling him all of this scared the shit out of her. “I just don’t see how you can be okay with me loving your brother... and wanting to be with your brother, too.” He shook his head before she even finished.
“Sasha, don’t you understand?” He didn’t wait for her to answer. “This isn’t about me sharing you with Tanner. This is about the one girl we are both madly in love with returning our feelings.”
He kissed her lightly, as if to solidify his point.