“I suppose so.”
“Tell me what happened, sweetheart. Was it something with Amanda? You were so excited to go on that picnic with her. What changed?”
Snow sighed, wondering if she wanted to tell Daisy everything. After a moment’s thought, she decided that she did. Maybe it would help to talk about it.
“Everything was going so well, I really liked her. Like her. Oh god, I don’t know.”
Daisy smiled gently. “That’s great, Snow.”
“When I was at hers the other night and we were, well, you know— her ex-wife stormed in. Only it’s not actually her ex-wife like Amanda told me. Nicole is still her wife. The divorce hasn’t gone through yet. She never told me. She always referred to Nicole as her ex-wife. How could she have sex with me when she knew she was still married, and I didn’t? What if I didn’t want to have sex with a married woman? She had no right to keep it from me.”
Daisy was frowning, but Snow was far from done. Now that she had started, she was on a roll.
“Then, Nicole started screaming at me. She called me a slut. She told me to get out. I got dressed, grabbed my things and left. Amanda never said a single word to defend me. Not one, even when Nicole was screaming at me.”
Snow let out a small sob and fell forward into Daisy’s waiting arms. “Why didn’t she defend me? I thought she cared about me. Why would you lie to someone you care about?”
“Oh honey, I’m so sorry this happened to you. People are complicated. We can’t always fathom their reasons for doing the things they do. Has Amanda tried to contact you since then?”
Snow snorted. “Only about thirty times. She’s begging to see me and explain, but I’m not that gullible. She took me in once, but she won’t do it again. I won’t be used by her again. I don’t just want to be used for sex. I want my own happy ever after with someone.”
“I don’t think that’s what’s going on here, Snow. From what you’ve told me so far, it sounds like Amanda really cares about you. She’s certainly made a mess of this whole situation, but I think you should talk to her. At least hear her out. You like her a lot; I can tell. Don’t close the door on this before you know for sure that you have to.”
Snow couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “How can you say that? She lied to me! She stood by and did nothing to defend me!”
“I know, and what she did was wrong, but don’t be too hasty to end what sounds like a really good thing for both of you.”
Snow folded her arms, fuming quietly. She wanted her mom to be on her side. Didn’t Daisy think that Snow would love to believe there was still a chance for her and Amanda? She had to be smart about this, though, and guard her heart from any further damage.
“I don’t want to be used again. She was obviously just using me for sex. Even if I do forgive her, we’re clearly looking for different things. I want a relationship, not someone who just wants me in bed and won’t stand up for me outside the bedroom.”
“I’m not sure you’re right about that, Snow, but I’ll leave it up to you. I just hope that whatever you choose, it brings you happiness.”
Happiness. It certainly didn’t bring Snow happiness to stay away from Amanda, but she couldn’t stand the thought of the heartbreak that could come with going back to her. A small part of her wondered whether it might not be worth hearing what Amanda had to say, but she pushed that thought aside.
She was better off without Amanda in her life. If she kept telling herself that for long enough, Snow would surely start to believe it.
19
Amanda wandered through the trees, looking for the perfect shot. She could usually come up with ideas for photos without any problem, but she just wasn’t feeling inspired at the moment. Snow was her inspiration, and Snow was gone.
The Christmas cards were still selling like wildfire, and Amanda wanted to get a few more up on her website before Christmas. She wouldn’t be able to do as good a job as Snow, but with the photography tips Snow had given her, she thought she could do alright.
Of course, Amanda could hire another photographer, but she shied away from the idea. Snow was her photographer. She didn’t want anyone else.
Maybe if she could get a few perfect shots, she could sell enough cards to pay Nicole off.
Amanda laughed bitterly at the thought. No matter how many cards she sold, she wasn’t going to make a million dollars with them. It was just wishful thinking. She wondered if Nicole would allow her to pay off her share of the farm in installments.
Even as Amanda had the thought, she knew it was a no-go. Nicole had made it clear that she wasn’t interested in negotiating with Amanda. Amanda was sure that Nicole was doing this just to be petty, to get back at Amanda for not being a good wife.
There were any number of things Amanda could do to get back at her, but she refused to stoop to Nicole’s level. She thought sadly of the days when they had been deeply in love and would have done anything for each other.
That thought inevitably led her to Snow. She missed Snow so badly that it hurt. Amanda hated herself for what she had done to Snow. She had betrayed her trust by lying to her and neglecting to defend her from Nicole’s vicious tirade.
Snow still hadn’t answered any of Amanda’s calls or messages other than that email. The email had sounded so cold—not like Snow at all.
Amanda knew that this whole thing was a mess and it was entirely her fault. She just didn’t know how to fix it, not when Snow wouldn’t talk to her.