Eli’s knuckles whitened on the steering wheel. “Today?”
“Yeah. You said you would, and I’d still like to see it.”
Sighing, Eli stared out the front windshield and said nothing for at least three minutes—well, it felt like that. “What do you want to get out of it?”
“Closure, I guess. I want to see how bad it really was.”
“It was bad, Bridge. I can tell you that. You were in ICU for days and they had to shock you back to life. I don’t think there’s any denying how close to death you came.”
“But I don’t remember any of it,” Bridget whispered. “I just want to see what happened.”
“Fine,” Eli answered tersely. “But for the record, I don’t think this is a good idea.”
Bridget nodded her understanding but kept her face as blank as possible. She moved her gaze to match Eli’s and waited to see the cruiser. It had been her favorite cruiser, and hers for at least three years—though she’d been needing a new one anyway. She hadn’t put in the work order for it, but the office had told her they’d done that in her absence, so by the time she got back to work she’d have a new cruiser ready and waiting.
She hadn’t driven since the accident, though, and the thought of getting behind the wheel of a vehicle didn’t seem like the most pleasant experience, even if it was only driving around town or even down to Garden. She swallowed hard again as Eli took a left as soon as she got to the edge of town and drove the dirt back road along the railroad line to Jensen’s lot on the northwest corner.
She wasn’t prepared for it. Her eyes widened as she saw most definitely what was left of her cruiser, which wasn’t much. The entire right side of the thing had been completely crushed, much like her own body. There was a definitive pull down on the left side where the combine tire had circled exactly where she had been sitting, enough to avoid killing her but not avoid injuring.
Bridget stayed in the truck, staring wide-eyed at the damaged vehicle before her. Her heart raced, and she was cold and clammy. But she had to get out. It took every ounce of courage she had to open the door to the truck and grip her crutches like they were her lifeline. Eli didn’t move to follow her. When her feet were on solid ground, Bridget clenched her jaw and crutched her way closer.
Glass had been shattered in every window, and she knew some of it was from the jaws of life. She could see the marks where they’d used the tool to get the roof up to get her out. Tears stung her eyes, but she held them in, moving around the vehicle slowly so she could take the whole thing in. She hadn’t realized how impactful this would be, how much she needed to see it firsthand.
It wasn’t just a dream anymore. Every nightmare she had about it had been reality. Every moment of fear and panic when she woke up cold and sweaty was because of this moment. The moment when her work interfered with her life and nearly ended it. How the hell was she ever going to go back into that office and sit in another cruiser?How was she supposed to still be Sheriff?
Tears streamed down her face, and she hadn’t even noticed it at first. Bridget let them, not even bothering to wipe them away or pretend like this didn’t affect her. She wasn’t going to kid anyone. This would be a shock to anyone who drove by and saw it, and she was pretty sure everyone in town already had andthatwas why she hadn’t been told much about the accident itself.
As she got to the driver’s side door, which was no longer there, Bridget could see the small trinkets she’d left in the vehicle just for her. She brushed some of the glass off the seat and awkwardly leaned in to grab them out, snagging the red quartz stone heart, the metal cross, and the very first badge she’d been given as a rookie at the academy.
She put her hand against her pocket and grabbed her crutch to stand up again, although it wasn’t easy and she nearly fell over. Still, Eli remained in the vehicle and didn’t come out to help her. God, she loved that Eli understood moments like this, that Eli knew to give her the space to process and think and just be by herself. There would be plenty of time to talk as they drove the rest of the way to town.
Bridget patted the only place of smooth metal that she could find, paused a moment, and then straightened her spine as she crutched her way back to Eli’s truck. No one had been lying when they told her she was lucky to be alive. She was. She knew that viscerally now, and there would be no denying it ever again.
The drive was relatively quiet, which was somewhat surprising to Bridget. She’d expected Eli to be talkative, probing Bridget to talk about what she’d just seen and experienced and thought and felt. The silence was almost unnerving, and she couldn’t figure out why Eli wasn’t talking, why she insisted on remaining silent.
Jerica had told her where the spare key was and to make herself comfortable. Eli made sure she got into the house and up the stairs, since she’d been surprised to find it a split-level house like her own. It would be a good trial run for living on her own soon enough. She couldn’t stay with Eli forever, as much as that thought did appeal to her in some ways.
Eli left with a hug and a clap on Bridget’s shoulder. Bridget was cast into the silence of being alone, something she hadn’t experienced in nearly two months. Two months of being surrounded by people, especially the past week with everyone being there to plan the wedding and do the finishing touches.
Shivering, Bridget grabbed a drink and made her way to the living room. There was a couch against the far wall and a television in the corner. The remotes were on the back of the couch, so she grabbed one after she lowered herself to the cushion and put her leg up. All of the moving around with her crutches bothered her arm and her wrist, not that she’d admit that to anyone, so she was glad to give it a bit of a rest.
She really had to work on getting strong with that. Sighing, Bridget flicked through the stations, finding something mundane to watch that wouldn’t take a whole lot of brain power. She hadn’t been able to get the image of the crushed vehicle out of her mind yet, and she wasn’t sure when that would happen, either.
If she’d known what an impact it would make, she might not have gone, but it would have been next to impossible to avoid as soon as she got back into the swing of work. Jensen’s lot wasn’t known for moving cars out quickly, and she had an inkling that her car might remain there for a decade before he finally sold it for parts after he’d pillaged all he could from it.
Putting her head against the arm rest, Bridget pulled out her phone and texted Jerica to let her know she’d arrived safely and couldn’t wait for her to get home. She had plans for the few nights they would be together, plans that would involve all her muscles. The thought warmed her, although the overwhelming image of the car was still the reigning vision in her head.
It took hours for her body to finally give in to sleep. The nightmares had been so bad lately that she hadn’t managed to get a good night’s rest in days, maybe even a week. Though again, she would be hard pressed to admit that to anyone. The couch was so comfortable that when her eyes drooped, Bridget gave in and curled on her side with the blanket covering her and let sleep take her.
Waking in a panic, she flung her arms out around her as she tried to figure out where the hell she was and what she was doing. The sun was already setting outside, casting an eerie glow into the room. She had to blink several times and wait for the spinning of the room to stop before she managed to catch her breath in any reasonable manner—except she didn’t.
The next breath was just as ragged, and she struggled to find the balance that she’d normally been able to get. Every muscle in Bridget’s body was poised and ready to run, except she couldn’t. She couldn’t get up and run out the door, and she had nowhere to go. It took her far too long to even remember where she was.
Grasping her phone, she called the only person she could think of. It rang too many times, and the panic welled deeper in her chest until finally, Eli’s gruff voice came through. “I thought you’d be spending time with your girlfriend.”
Bridget could hardly do anything except breathe heavily, and that wasn’t helping the situation any. She couldn’t even explain to Eli what she needed.
Something must have clicked in Eli’s brain, because suddenly her tone changed and softened. “Hey, hey, calm down, Bridge. Take a deep breath for me, will you?”