“It was you,” she said stiltedly. “Wasn’t it?”
“Spencer—”
“That’s why there were all those weird requirements for blood tests. Because you wanted to find a woman whose sangferia would be compatible with your blood. That was you. That night—” Oh God. It hit her all of a sudden, how humiliatingly stupid she might have seemed to him that night, to not know it was her own boss who had bought her virginity…
Etienne’s chest nearly caved at the look of devastation on her face. “I’m sorry,” he repeated hoarsely.
“Why didn’t you tell me it was you?”
“I couldn’t risk it,” he said hollowly. “The survival of our race was at stake.”
“And after? When you knew I did it because I was in love with you?”
“You already left me once when you found out I lied about not knowing how you felt about me—”
“So you lied to me again?” she asked bitterly.
“I’m sorry.” It was all he could say, and he had to clench his fists against the urge to reach for her. “I was a fucking coward. All I could think about at that time was not hurting you and risk losing you again.”
“God…” A painful laugh escaped her. “I was so silly. I thought…because you’re what you are, I thought, the problems we’d have…it would be different from other couples. That we’d be worrying about vampire attacks, hiding the truth of your nature…but instead, every time we…it’s because you lied to me, and it’s such a cliché. Such a stupid, human thing—”
“It’s not a matter of race,” he cut in rawly. “I just fucked up. And I know. I knew from the start I should’ve told you. I planned to. But when I saw how much it hurt you to think about that night, it was why I asked you…”
She knew exactly what he was talking about.
Remembered that time when he had asked her about that night.
But it wasn’t enough.
Chapter Nineteen
It was rare for any Caro to feel fear, even more so for one with Etienne’s abilities. And yet, he knew what he felt, knew the only thing that kept his blood cold under his flesh was nothing else but fear.
And what he feared…was losing her.
The look on Spencer’s face ripped him apart. He had never seen her in such fucking pain, and it killed him even more, knowing that there was little he could do about it.
“I need to go.”
And the fear inside of him grew.
“I’m not going to tell anyone about you…” She jumped to her feet and started backing away from him. “I hope you know you can trust me about that—”
“Let’s talk about this.” Etienne could feel his entire body turning rigid as his whole world started to crash around him.
“There is nothing to talk about. You found out I’m in love with you, and obviously you were just l-lying about loving me back—”
“It wasn’t a lie,” he gritted out. “I am in love with you—”
“And you really expect me to believe that?” she cried out. “You lied to me again and again, and right now, I can’t help f-feeling sick, when I think about that night, and how you must have l-laughed at me, not knowing it was you—”
He could feel himself whitening at the vile picture her words painted. “It wasn’t like that at all,” he gritted out forcefully. “If anything, that night made me realize how blind I was, not to have seen how beautiful you were. That’s the truth. I swear, mi vavli—”
But this time, the words that used to fill her with pleasure made her stumble back in shame. “Don’t call me that,’ she whispered. “It doesn’t…it doesn’t make me…it makes me…”
She looked so damn breakable in front of him that he forced himself to nod. “Alright.” Even as the urge to hold her became an increasingly frantic clamor inside of him, Etienne forced himself to keep still. Told himself that she clearly needed time—
But the moment she turned her back on him, agonizing, heartwrenching pain like he had never known before tore into him—
And in a burst of speed that had Spencer jerking and crying out in surprise, Etienne wrapped his arms around her from behind, and he couldn’t make himself let her go even as she started to cry.
“Please.”
He had never begged for someone before, but for her, he realized he could do it easily, and would do it endlessly if that was what she needed. Because Domenico had been right, he realized dully. When it came to the woman he loved, he would be willing to do anything to get her back.
“I love you, and it’s the fucking truth, so please…please don’t go.”
But the words only had her crying harder.
“I can’t. I’m sorry. It just hurts, just seeing you…hurts.”
“I’m sorry—”
“I know,” she whispered painfully. “But it just isn’t enough. Just try…just try…try to imagine…how much courage it took me to sell my virginity that night, just to forget you. Only to find out that it was still you that night.” And the way her voice cracked made Etienne’s own heart crack.