“Oh good.” Lando was nervous. Anxiety bubbled in her belly, and she couldn’t exactly figure out why. They’d already done this once each, why was this so different? She stared down at her hands, trying to figure out what to do and say next, but her mind drew a blank.
Violet’s fingers on her cheek pulled her back to reality, the soft look on her face steadying. “Are you ready?”
Lando shook her head for a second.
“Tell me when you are or if you want to do something else.”
“I want to do this,” Lando whispered. “It’s just…it’s been a while.”
“It’s been a while for me, too, Lando. But I’m still here, still wanting this.”
“You’re not going to leave?” Lando didn’t dare look at her. Everyone she had ever loved left her, except Aunt T. It’d been her downfall since she’d started dating and why none of the relationships she’d had in the past had lasted very long.
Violet’s brow furrowed, and she seemed concerned. Moving so they faced each other properly, Violet cupped Lando’s cheek and tilted her chin up so they could look in each other’s eyes. “What do you mean?”
Lando’s cheeks heated with embarrassment. She hadn’t meant to say that, hadn’t meant to let any of it out. Hell, it was their first night together, and she didn’t want to ruin it by getting all emotional on the woman she probably loved. The first woman she’d ever loved in this way.
“Lando,” Violet drew her attention back to the conversation at hand. “What are you thinking?”
“That I love you,” Lando whispered, apparently no longer able to control the words falling from her lips. She hated herself for it. She should be so much better at controlling herself by this point. She couldn’t even bear to look at Violet, knowing exactly what she would say and do.
“You know,” Violet started and stopped. “Will you look at me?”
It took Lando longer than she’d wanted, but she did finally bring her gaze up to Violet’s eyes.
“Thank you. You know, I was thinking that same thing earlier today, when we were out in the storm.”
“Were you?” Lando’s voice was dark, and her stomach dropped. She didn’t want to lose the woman she loved, someone who was so important to her, who had taught her so much.
“Yeah, I was. And to answer your question, I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to.”
Lando nodded, but leaving the house hadn’t really been what she’d meant, and she wasn’t quite sure how to explain it. She’d never had to before. Licking her lips, Lando took the plunge. “I didn’t mean tonight.”
“What did you mean, then?”
“Every person I have loved has died. And I can’t…I don’t know what I would do if that would happen again.”
Violet remained quiet, only the sound of the rushing storm outside as their companion. Lando wasn’t sure what to do, but she was fairly certain she had ruined whatever mood she’d wanted to keep. Instead of saying anything, Violet kissed her, surprising Lando out of her despair.
“Lando, I can’t promise you that I won’t die. I’m not exactly in an un-risky line of work, and if you want to chase storms, you aren’t either. Accidents happen. People die when they chase. And I am much older than you. I will probably die before you do. We both know this. I’m not going to lie to you.”
“I appreciate that.” Lando played with Violet’s fingers, still unsure of where to go from there.
Violet pulled her in for another kiss, this one longer and deeper. “But I don’t want to leave you. I want to love you. In fact, I’m choosing to love you. I hear your fears. You haven’t had an easy start to life, or easy middle to it, but I’m here, and I want to be here with you.”
“Why? Why would you? I’m a drunk, I’m a drug addict, and I have no family.”
“You’re one of the kindest, most peaceful people I know, and whether that comes from such a rocky past or not, I don’t know, but I have never known you to be someone who is spiteful, or miserable, or hates solely because it’s fun.”
“I would never—”
“Exactly. You’re sweet, you’re so incredibly strong, and in the last few weeks, the more I have gotten to know you, the more that has proven to be true.”
Lando’s lips parted in surprise.Did people really see her like that?She whispered, “Thank you.”
“I wasn’t fishing for thanks. I was stating facts, and you know how much I love to live in the facts.”
Grinning, Lando nodded. “I do. You and your data I think are closer than we are.”