Yet, I can’t say no. I say no, they’re going to cast me out. I’ll survive on my own, somehow. Dugald would help, I’m sure. But to what end? What would be the point? Go off and live my life among the Fae? Embrace my role as Destroyer for whatever that means?
There is a war in my heart and it’s tearing me apart. Staring into Duncan’s eyes I see his love and it’s warm, pure, and a delight. He is a simple man, far from the life I ever expected, and there isn’t anything further from the calling of magic.
I find the words. There is only one answer that makes sense and it’s the one that feels right. I open my mouth to say yes.
“Wait,” Dugald says, suddenly at my side, and the world stops.
I look and see the clan is frozen in place. Halfway through whatever motion they were mid when he called out, and only after I’ve looked at each of them do I turn back to him. I’m angry, but not truly, because part of me is relieved. The part I don’t want to look at, the part that is unsure, plagued by doubt and uncertainty. The part that wants to know the consequences of my actions before I make them.
“For what?” I ask at last.
He’s silent, frowning, then shakes his head, not meeting my eyes. He swallows, staring over my head. He takes a deep breath while I wait for him to answer. It’s a simple enough question.
“What am I waiting for, Dugald? You? Why? You know it won’t work. Isn’t it you that’s said we’ve tried that before?”
“Yes,” he says, his voice deep and hoarse.
“Then what?”
His jaw clenches, then he raises his hand and drops it to his side.
“Is this your choice?” he asks.
“Choice? What choice do I have? Be outcast?” I point at Agnes. “You think she’s going to let this go? Even now, hunted like animals, she’s holding to this, and you know what? You want to know the crazy thing? I don’t blame her. I get it.
“When your entire world has been flipped on its head you want to hold on to one thing. Just one thing that makes sense. One thing that you hope, with a desperation so deep it hurts, will make the world okay. Her faith, her belief, is what does that for her.
“And I get that, so I don’t blame her. This sucks. I wish it wasn’t so but then there’s been more than once I wish I’d never met you either and yet, here we are.”
“Do you mean that?” he asks, meeting my gaze for the first time.
“Yes, I do. I really don’t blame Agnes.”
“Not that. About meeting me?”
I bite my lower lip. Do I? I said it, sure, but do I mean it? If I hadn’t met him, then I’d never have met Duncan. And forced proposal or not, I do love Duncan.
Of course, I also have feelings for this jerk in front of me. If he’d be a little less, I don’t know, jerky I guess, maybe there’d be something here to explore. An option. A road less traveled so to speak. Or if I listen to him, it is a road traveled, but I don’t remember it.
“No,” I say.
Dugald nods and the raven drops from up above to land on his shoulder with wide-spread wings. It tilts its head to look at me, black eyes piercing into my head as if it can read my thoughts. It opens and closes its beak, then collapses its wings.
“Don’t do this,” Dugald whispers. “Not like this.”
“I thought it was all my choice.”
He opens his mouth, then shuts it. He closes his eyes and turns, taking two steps away.
“Quinn,” he says. “If you choose him, fine. But choose him. Not out of any necessity other than the demands of your heart.”
That stabs into my chest and catches my breath. Tears well in my eyes and I struggle to not let them flow.
“And what? Choose you?”
He looks over his shoulder, dark eyes smoldering, and a wicked grin on his face.
“Would you?”