No one said anything after that.
Slowly, the doctor moved back, and he and the midwife both washed their hands in the hot water that had been brought up. They consulted for a moment and then came back to them.
Dr. Hughes looked at the midwife whose wrinkled, old face seemed soft rather than tense. Garret looked back and forth, half afraid. Half afraid that he was about to be told that she would be ripped from him. That the babe would be ripped away too. But he knew more than anything he could not bear her loss. He had finally found someone that he felt close to again, that he loved.
Oh yes, he loved her.
That’s what that feeling had been when he’d first met her. That awe, that admiration, that wild feeling that he had been unwilling to name.Love.It had planted in his heart the very moment that she had found herself in his chamber and demanded that he pay her what he owed. And he didoweher this. He owed her love because she had been so alone, as he had been, and she had brought him back to life.
And now he prayed that he would truly be able to repay her.
“The baby’s fine,” the midwife said without hesitation. “It must have been very frightening for you, and it doesn’t happen to everyone,” she said gently. “But there are many young ladies who do bleed for the first four months of pregnancy. Usually, it is not a great deal, and it is not accompanied by any sort of pain.”
“Still, the sight of blood when one is with child is a very harrowing thing,” Dr. Hughes said, “and so we shall continue to monitor you. I will come to visit you every day, and Mistress Anne will also visit you as often as she’s able.”
“I will come every other day my dear,” the older lady assured. “When my duties allow me, and I am not looking after other mothers. I am not concerned about your state. I do not think that there is anything amiss at all. I can tell you that this can be perfectly normal.”
Catherine drew in a deep breath, and Garret felt that shuddering wave of relief pass through her.
The doctor smiled, and Mistress Anne squeezed his wife’s hand. “That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t rest, and we must make certain that you don’t have any worries because this can cause concern for young mothers. The more worry, the more difficulty. So we shall just have to make certain that your life is full of laughter and joyful things.”
Mistress Anne lifted her gaze to Garret. “Do you think that can be managed?”
His wife winced.
“We can manage it,” he said. “I promise you that.”
“Good, Your Grace,” Dr. Hughes declared. “She shall need lots of love and care.”
His wife winced again, and he wished he could kick himself. He had said the worst things to her this day, and he began to wonder if he could have caused…
“No, Your Grace, there is nothing that you did that caused this,” the older lady said almost as if she could read his thoughts. “It is perfectly normal. It often occurs when the baby’s growing in the womb. Sometimes as the babe moves around trying to find the perfect purchase inside, a little bit of blood can happen. Or it is very fresh and very tender and the merest disturbance can cause bleeding.”
“You mean,” his voice trailed off, realizing she meant lovemaking.
“Exactly, Your Grace,” Mistress Anne confirmed, “But you shouldn’t be alarmed about it. It is quite common, and you should not feel as if you need to resist such activities. They are good for you both and will continue to make you feel close to each other. That is more important than anything, for I can see that you both love each other and the babe too.”
His wife said nothing to that, and he knew why. He had made it very clear today that he was too afraid to fall in love, too afraid to give her love.
“Thank you,” she said to both of them. “I think I should like to try to sleep now.”
Mistress Anne and Dr. Hughes both quietly slipped out of the room, and Garret stayed with her, holding her as he had done.
“I can’t sleep,” she said. “The fear, it’s too much.”
“I gave you that fear, I think,” he said honestly.
“No,” she said. “When I thought I might lose the babe, there’s been nothing in my life like that, and now I understand your grief. I can’t even imagine what it must have felt like when you lost them. They were alive. They were children full. This is just the promise of someone. I cannot…”
“Cease,” he insisted, pulling her closer. “Cease. I’m the one who’s been a fool, my love. I thought I could protect myself by keeping you at a distance. What a ridiculous thing to do. I know that my babes and my wife would be most disappointed in me. They did not leave me here and go to this better place to watch me suffer and to deny myself and to, worse of all, hurt you.”
She did not reply.
“I have hurt you,” he said.
“I did not even know that I was in love with you until recently,” she said frankly.
“I did not know that I was in love with you until now,” he admitted. “When I realized that you could be taken from me not in a few months’ time, not in a few years’ time, but this day. God, I have been the worst of men.”