“Or if they do,” she added, “it’s only for a few minutes in a salon, and we’re meant to make certain that they have enough lemonade or wine. And I suppose one can encourage their husband to make certain that they’re paid well, but that’s all.”
He studied her and thought of those hallowed rooms of society and how they could stifle someone who wanted to seize this life with both hands. “It is a crime. But here you will be able to meet whomever you please, if you can manage to secure your position as someone important.” He hesitated. “Most mistresses never do, you know.”
“What?” she breathed, swinging her gaze to him.
“Many courtesans? They do not know how to strike the note to be remembered,” he pointed out simply. “And if you cannot be remembered, you will not be sought after, Catherine Ludlow.”
She paused at the use of her name, her full name. “Are you suggesting that I be outrageous?”
“If it suits,” he said with a shrug. “One lady was brought in naked on a silver platter for the men who she hoped to gain attention from, but it is a risky business. You never know when you might go too far.”
She paled at that. “I had not considered that I would have to make an exhibition of myself to gain power.”
He tsked. “We all make exhibitions of ourselves to gain power, sometimes even the king. And I’ll tell you this much. I would not be the king for anything.”
“No?” She queried, surprised.
“No, my Cat. I would not,” he said, his voice going brittle. “I’ve seen his life, and I have seen the way he suffered. I cannot imagine how difficult it is to be the king of England.”
She paused and nodded.
Catherine looked at him and wondered if he felt such great sympathy for the king of England because he understood how he felt. The king had lost two children in but a short space of time, both of them quite young, and he had gone mad shortly after.
Oh, he’d recovered, of course, but she wondered if the duke saw himself in the king? Had he been tempted by madness when his children had died? She could not blame him. It would be so easy to be lost to this world with grief of such intensity.
Ignoring her strange thoughts, she held out her hand. “Will you take me to dance?” she asked. “I think that would be the easiest thing at present.”
“If it is what you like,” he said. “But this is not my usual venue, I’ll confess that.”
She couldn’t hide her surprise. “Is it not?”
“No, I don’t keep a mistress,” he said.
She stilled. “You don’t?”
“No, and I have no intention of doing so.”
“I see,” she breathed.
His face grew serious. “So I should like to find you a keeper as soon as possible.”
“Oh,” she said softly, a deeply unpleasant ache forming just over her heart. “Of course. Well, then let us get to it.”
“You look wonderful, by the way,” he said. “It’ll not be hard to find someone.”
“Good,” she declared, trying very hard to sound as if she meant it.
She had to mean it.
For in this moment, she realized that she had been growing sentimental about the duke, and she could not allow herself to feel such things. Not for anything, not for anyone.
And she peered about the room, hoping that someone, anyone might catch her eye that could be as worthy and interesting as he was.
Chapter 11
More than a month had passed, and something had become absolutely clear to the Duke of Blackwood. No one was ever going to be good enough for Cat, and the truth of it was grating on him.
He crossed into Argyle’s house and climbed up the stairs, but this time he did not go with a driven force. Instead, he felt as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.