Plies her trade in.
She should not have taken any sort of offense to those words, and she didn’t. Not really. It was exactly what she wanted, but she felt something else.
Something complicated in that moment and it was the most traitorous realization… That she wanted all of him, more of him. She wanted to know him in a way that a mistress did not need to know her keeper and that was terrifying indeed.
She would have to learn all that she could from him quickly and she would have to separate as quickly as possible lest she grow attached to him. She did not think that she could afford to grow attached to someone.
No. She could not bear the pain and hurt of separation unless…
She stopped. “Can we be friends?” she blurted.
“Friends?” he queried abruptly, his hand stilling on her leg where her stocking met her thigh.
She sucked in a breath and rushed, “I just realized that when all this is done, I’m going to have to go away from you, and I will lose you.”
“Loseme,” he said softly. “That sounds very—”
“I realize it sounds very emotional,” she cut in, determined not to alarm him. “But it’s also true. We are sharing things that I’ve never shared before with anyone, and that is going to create a connection between us. I think to deny that would be very foolish. You will always be my first. You will always be my teacher, and you will always be the one who gave me independence.”
She braced her hands on his shoulders and declared, “I want us to be friends, and I want to know that we can be friends after we part.” She grinned. “I want to be an old lady writing you letters and telling you about how wonderful my life is thanks to your education, and I want you to do the same.”
A mask slipped over his face. “I do not know if I can do that,” he said. “I do not plan on living to be an old man writing letters.”
“You don’t?” she queried, shocked.
“I shall do my duty,” he said evenly. “Find a duchess, get an heir, and then I will live as best I can until heaven takes me.”
She winced. There was a part of her that felt that he wanted heaven to take him, and she knew why, but she wasn’t going to ask at this moment. Nor would she allow herself to think of it either. It didn’t feel fitting.
“Then let us at least be friends for now and for as long as possible,” she urged.
“Yes, Cat,” he allowed. “I think that is a good idea. It’ll give us something to call this so that neither of us are confused about what it is.”
She smiled. “Good. Well then, friend,” she said, “give me my lesson. For I am ready.”
“With pleasure, friend,” he replied, sliding his hand upward. “With pleasure.”
Chapter 10
Something about her made him behave in ways he’d never done before.
Oh, he’d had a wild life, that was certain, but his wildness usually lent itself to the battlefield and not to amorous adventures in coaches, but he couldn’t resist her.
He wanted to have her every moment.
There was something about her soul, her spirit, her heart that called to him. It was terrifying because he felt as if she was awakening him slowly, like a dormant soul coming alive to the warmth of the sun.
He had been in the dark for years. Yes, he had been closed off for so long that he never thought he would be able to burst out of the darkness into the light. But here he was being dragged out of the shadows.
She sat on his lap, and he lifted her easily, bringing one of her knees down on either side of his hips. He was glad the fashions of the day allowed it. He stroked his hands up, pulling her skirts and chemise above her stockings.
And he found himself grateful that ladies were not encumbered by garments that would prevent him from getting to where he wished with ease.
Garret slid his hand between them, and she gazed down at him, bracing her hands on his shoulders, clearly uncertain as to what he was going to do next.
He smiled at her slowly, like a wolf who wanted to devour its prey. Except he didn’t want to devour her to harm her. He wanted to consume her, as if the taking of her could bring something more beautiful about her. As if it would let her be more herself.
The more adventurous she became, the more she was Cat.