She glared at him. “No, Lily would never be ashamed of me,” she said tightly, “but she’s young, and she won’t understand what I’m about.”
“I will follow your lead in this. I will have my housekeeper go down immediately to the country, take her, and bring her to my estate here at Kew. It’s a short ride away, and you may visit her whenever you like.”
Her eyes lit then. “Why are you so kind?”
“I am not kind,” he protested. “Be careful, Catherine. Do not make me into what I am not.”
She peered at him. “What are you then?”
How the bloody hell did he answer that?
He cleared his throat and tried to explain. “I am someone who has seen the ways of this world and been determined to change them, even if I have failed repeatedly. And those failures have turned me into someone who is cold and hard and unable to feel the sort of feelings that I see regular people have.”
“Regular people?” she queried.
He narrowed his eyes. “You know what I mean, Cat, for you are not regular people either.”
“No, I suppose I’m not,” she allowed as she put her plate down at one of the place settings.
“You certainly are not,” he affirmed. “Not if you are going to be a courtesan as you profess the wish to be, and to have grand desires as you do. You are not regular and nor am I, and I would not mislead you in this.”
He paused. “And I must say this. Forgive me, but we must be clear. I am not going to develop feelings for you.”
“I did not think that you would,” she said, lowering herself into the chair. She picked up a fork and knife, gazing at him as if she might skewer him with the items. “And to insinuate such a thing is most offensive. I’m not here for that. I do not wish you to fall in love with me, and I do not wish you to marry me.”
“I never suggested that I might.”
“Iwant it to be clear,” she said. “I do not ever wish to marry,” she stated. “I wish to be free.”
“Then I will make sure that you are,” he said. “That is at least something I can do as the Duke of Blackwood.”
She inclined her head. “Thank you. I did not mean to give way to my feelings just now. You are being more than generous.”
He smiled slowly then. “Yes, I am. But I like it when you give way to feelings. I prefer your honesty to lies, though you shall have to become familiar with lies.”
“Will I?” she queried with a sigh before taking a large bite of her eggs.
He sat at the head of the table and poured himself a cup of coffee from the silver pot, not bothering to wait on ceremony for her to do it. “Oh, yes. Courtesans are masters at them because you must hide what you think about people most of the time.”
“Oh, dear,” she groaned around a bite of sausage. “That will require effort on my part.”
“Did you not lie to your brother about what you thought about him?” he asked, lifting the cup and taking in the delicious aroma.
She laughed. “No. He knew exactly what I thought about him. I’m rather proud, you see.” She frowned. “I’ve had to let go of a great deal of that in the last few months.”
“That must have been difficult for you.”
“Lifeisdifficult,” she said stoically. “It is how we meet that difficulty that matters.”
“I could not agree more,” he replied.
And he did not. And he found himself staring at her again, full of awe and feeling something that he did not dare name.
Chapter 7
Catherine had grown up in luxury.
It was no stranger to her, but the Duke of Blackwood’s way of living was something else entirely.