She finished her own coffee, replacing the cup gently. “Not on your radar?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
He regarded her through steady eyes that might have been intimidating if he were less…familiar to her. Crazy, when they’d just met, and he’d be leaving the hotel in a matter of days.
“I’ve always known I didn’t want to be a father.”
She tilted her head to the side.
“You find that strange?”
“It’s exactly what I would have said, before…” She shook her head. “Actually, that’s not quite right. I didn’t think I didn’t want kids, but I just didn’t consider it.”
“You probably hadn’t reached the point of needing to.”
“But you did?”
“No.”
“So how old were you, when you had this reckoning?”
“A reckoning makes it sound as though I angsted over it. I didn’t. There were certain things I knew weren’t for me. Playing happy family was definitely one of them.”
“Sometimes, fate can throw you a curve ball, you know. In my experience, it’s better to be prepared for anything.”
“Good advice, but I don’t expect anyone would be stupid enough to nominate me as legal guardian for their child.”
She laughed despite herself. “You have such little faith in your abilities as a parent?”
“My inclination. I’d be a terrible father figure because I have no interest in it.”
“I guess it’s good that you’re so honest with yourself.”
He grinned and her heart tied itself in knots. She forced herself to focus on the job she should have completed much earlier than this, crouching down to remove the pudding pots from the back of the cupboard. She wiped them inside and moved back to the pudding bowl.
“But when it happened…” she swallowed past a lump in her throat. “All of my doubts went straight out the window. I knew I had to look after him.”
“Was there anyone else?”
“My sister-in-law’s parents. They would have loved—they would still love—to raise Dashiell. But Michael and Maggie—that’s my brother and his wife—they were explicit in their will.”
“Did they ask you about it beforehand?”
“Actually, yes,” she bit down on her lower lip, carefully pouring the pudding mixture into the bowls evenly. “But I was only nineteen when they had it drawn up, and it seemed impossible to contemplate a time when they would both…not be here.” Her face paled as shards of memory speared her out of nowhere. “No one really plans for the worst and expects it to happen.”
“No, perhaps not.”
“Anyway.”She poured water into the side of a deep dish and placed the pudding bowls inside. “These need to go in the oven now and I should be getting back to Dash. Do you need anything else?”
He was watching her, frowning, and her heart gave a strange little kick. Confused, she picked up the large container—heavier than she realised—carrying it towards the stoves, one of which she had preheating. But with the dish in her hands, and the oven closed, she needed to get creative and was midway to resting the basin on the edge of the bench when he moved quickly.
“Allow me.”
He anticipated her need, opening the oven door then staying right where he was, oh so close to her. Heat blossomed into the kitchen, from the oven, for sure, but also, from Alessio to Charlotte, so she felt gooey and warm all over and barely able to concentrate.
“Do you want me to do it?”