A pookah’s greatest weapon was his opponent’s nightmares. Delphine had plenty.
I wanted to talk to her again. If Taliesin could handle Faust and keep him far away, then maybe there was still a chance that I could turn Delphine to our side. However, I couldn’t leave Cerri alone. She was going to have to sit in on that conversation again.
I plucked Feri from my vest pocket and held him up. “Do me a favor. Go get Delphine and tell her we need to talk.”
Cerri gave me a dark look. I wasn’t sure what she thought of my relationship with Delphine, but I wasn’t going to correct her. So long as Cerri thought that I had some sort of romance with Del, then that meant there would always be a distance between Cerri and myself.
As much as I hated it, I needed Cerri to see me as a tool and nothing more. Because if she loved me the way I loved her, then we were doomed.
24
CERRI
Isulked over my iced pumpkin chai. Elbow on the counter and chin in my hand, I glared at the back of Rhoan’s head. Beyond him, Delphine slouched on the bench seat with her arms crossed over her chest. She had a glare painted on her face, too.
When had she gotten free of my cage? How long had it taken her? I needed the answers so I could make adjustments for the next time I needed to cage the feral elf.
“Thank goodness you’re not Vi or that woman would have combusted into flames already,” Addie said.
I’d agreed to meet at Bad Moon Café not only because it was a neutral safe zone, but because I knew Addie would be here. Yet, I hadn’t asked her a single question.
Instead, I was moping over something I couldn’t even have. The way Rhoan held me at Alvin’s manor had only solidified the tentative feelings that’d been budding for him. Now they were full blown blossoms—and I couldn’t wait for them to wilt.
Maybe then I’d be free of this unrequited desire. I just wanted someone in my life. I was lonely and needed someone around to feel safe. It wasn’t about Rhoan. These feelings came from an emptiness in my life.
That was all.
It wasn’t like I wantedRhoan.
“Stop it,” Addie hissed, snapping her fingers in front of my face.
Delphine’s eyes flicked over to us. My face heated. I shoved back from the counter, snatched up my pumpkin chai, and turned my back to them. Addie sighed, but I shot her a dirty look for bringing attention to us.
Maybe I should ignore Rhoan and Delphine. It sucked to watch him talk so kindly to someone who’d been trying to kill me merely twenty-four hours ago, but there were things that I needed to ask Addie.
Turning to her, I considered my words carefully. While Addie deserved everything that she’d fought for, I needed to let her know that she’d taken something from me in the process. How did I say that to one of my closest friends?
I twisted my straw in my plastic cup. “Did you feel any repercussions from changing fate?”
Addie tilted her head curiously. She studied me for a long moment.
It was clear that I had an ulterior motive, but I wasn’t going to give it away so quickly. I needed to figure out how to ask this. It seemed like nothing would come out the way I wanted it to.
Hey, did you realize you would fuck up other lives?
Can you help me fix what you messed up?
It was clear that I had a bitterness lurking inside me that I hadn’t yet resolved. My nightmares and memories were tainting my life. I needed to shake free of them before I became a monster like Beryl. If I let this bitterness consume me, I would become ruthless in my pursuit of safety.
I didn’t want to hurt others. A part of me felt bad for putting Delphine in that cage and leaving her, even if it hadn’t held her all that long in the end. I still wanted to be a better person than Alvin, Bastien, and Beryl.
I refused to follow the path they’d carved for me. I could deviate from it and plot my own way forward so long as I could get away from this horrible anger lurking inside me.
“I was afraid that I would mess up something,” Addie said softly. She lifted her gaze from the counter and met mine. “Did it hurt you?”
I bit my tongue to keep back the onslaught of mean things floating through my mind. Addie didn’t deserve my anger. I had to temper it so that it wouldn’t burn those around me. However, that meant the vine plant in the front window started to grow out of control. Vines climbed across the glass expanse in search of something to cling onto.
Addie noticed the plant and leaned across the counter to pinch me. I yelped and jumped away from her. Rubbing the red spot on my arm, I pouted. Addie bit back a laugh before the mood sobered again.